Horn Is No Saint; He’s a Cell-Out

It has to be asked, 14 months after he wrote what he wrote:

What hath T.O. wrought?

Once reserved for spikes and shuffles and small impressionistic dance ensembles, the NFL end zone has morphed into a can-you-top-this insane asylum for premeditated product placement and personal public relations ever since Terrell Owens pulled a Sharpie pen out of his sock and autographed a football in front of a Monday night national audience.

In New Orleans on Sunday, Saint wide receiver Joe Horn planted a mobile phone under a goal post’s padding, then dug it out and went on the horn after scoring one of his four touchdowns in a 45-7 victory over the New York Giants.

A few hours earlier in Cincinnati, Bengal wide receiver Chad Johnson scored against the San Francisco 49ers and, with Owens looking on, waved a neon-orange sign over his head that read:

Dear NFL,

Please don’t fine me again.

Merry Christmas

What in the world is going on in Paul Tagliabue’s league?

(Maybe Horn was just phoning to try to find out.)

Tom Landry used to tell his players that once they reached the end zone, they should act like they’d been there before. Tell the same to today’s kids and the only word they’ll comprehend is: act.

You can’t spell Othello without T.O., who showed the youngsters last October that every end zone’s a stage and every touchdown is a chance to play-act, role-play and maybe audition for a new endorsement contract.

Sharpie couldn’t write better ad copy than the free plug Owens gave them, and now come Johnson and Horn to add their own contributions to what is apparently an extended performance-art history of communication.

Owens’ message was handwritten.

Johnson’s was pre-printed in bold typeface.

Horn’s was delivered by state-of-the-art cellular phone.

If Randy Moss shows up next week with a laptop and WiFi, it’s probably time to have everybody stay late for detention.

Initially, replays were inconclusive as to which phone service Horn was hawking. Was it Verizon? Cingular? Or maybe Nokia for an all-in-one plug for New Orleans’ upcoming Sugar Bowl?

Of course, Horn picked his spot to place his call. On Sunday night, with ESPN televising the game to a national audience. Against the Giants, who are now biding time until the Jim Fassel firing news conference.

The odds of Horn scoring a touchdown against the Giant defense? Quite good.

The odds of ESPN riding the highlight from here into next week? You have to be kidding.

Horn scored on a 13-yard slant pass in the second quarter, giving the Saints a 17-7 lead. He walked over to the goal post, gave the black and gold padding a tug. Then teammate Michael Lewis raced over to lend a hand, kneeling down as Horn tugged again, then fishing out the phone and handing off to Horn.

For the record, ESPN’s on-site broadcast crew went ballistic when it happened, expressing great outrage and disgust.

“I tell you right now, I don’t like it,” Paul Maguire said. “I think that that does not show me sportsmanship.”

A yellow penalty flag fell to the turf. Horn had been cited for unsportsmanlike conduct.

“Good for them,” Mike Patrick said, referring to the officials working the game.

Joe Theismann added that Horn is “too good a football player to lower himself to antics like this. I mean, he’s just too good a football player to try and gimmick things up. Just play football. And play the game with class.”

Theismann ranted on some more, suggesting that Horn’s actions “maybe have cost him the Pro Bowl.” Maybe. It also got Horn on “Sports- Center,” which opened with both anchors mimicking Horn, pretending to talk into cellphones pressed against their ears.

Before the fourth quarter, ESPN ran a montage of Horn’s first three touchdowns of the game, along with the end zone antics.

“Here’s a guy that has three touchdown passes,” Maguire said, “and the one thing that the people watching this game will remember is the guy making an idiot of himself going for a phone.”

To which Patrick added, quite accurately, “That was the point, wasn’t it? Something that the people are going to remember.”

Saint Coach Jim Haslett told ESPN that he expected Horn would be fined by the league “and he should be fined for it.... It was uncalled for. We don’t do that here.”

Haslett wishes. Barely minutes after Horn’s phone call, Saint Fred Thomas returned a blocked punt for another touchdown, then motioned for his teammates to join him in the end zone. With Jay Bellamy taking a knee and pretending to take photos of the touchdown hero, Thomas preened and posed for the fake camera.

A real camera quickly panned the Saint sideline. Haslett could be seen lowering his head and sadly shaking it back and forth.

For better and worse, wide receivers basked in the spotlight Sunday.

In Indianapolis, Marvin Harrison, Brandon Stokley and Reggie Wayne combined for 21 receptions and five touchdowns, enabling the Colts to defeat Atlanta, 38-7, and Peyton Manning to become the first quarterback in league history to throw at least 25 touchdown passes in six consecutive seasons.

In St. Louis, Torry Holt caught six passes for 100 yards, including an acrobatic scoop of an underthrown Marc Bulger pass for a game-turning touchdown in the Rams’ 27-22 victory over Seattle.

With the victory, the Rams (11-3) clinched the NFC West title, unseating last season’s winner, San Francisco, which suffered the double indignity of losing to the Bengals, 41-38, and then having Johnson rub their faces in it with his specially printed sign.

Bengal Coach Marvin Lewis wasn’t pleased by the display, telling reporters after the game that Johnson “got caught up in everything. They have a fine player over there in Terrell Owens, and Chad was just trying to answer.”

Somehow, you knew it was eventually going to come back around to Owens. Who knows what’s next?

Until someone does, they might have to start frisking wide receivers on the sidelines.