Gas Company Wait Gets Him All Heated Up

I called the gas company recently for help. Instead, I got a 28-minute telephone concert, concluding with a syrupy instrumental rendition of a ‘60s hit that went something like “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye.”

I also got a four-day wait for service, an additional 13.5-hour wait on the day the service man was supposed to come and, finally, a peek at a computerized report that shows just how long it takes for the average Southern California Gas Co. customer to slam-dunk his phone in frustration.

It all began on a gray, chilly morning when I, like thousands of other Los Angeles residents, was trying to turn on my heating unit for the winter. After determining that a mere match would prove insufficient to ignite the pilot light, I turned to the white pages, which lists a single phone number for gas company emergencies, billing questions and service requests.

Dialing that combination listing, I got through to a disembodied message that urged me to hang on tight, since all calls would be answered in the order in which they were received. At first I did so, suffering through the infuriatingly bland versions of the hits of yesteryear wafting over my phone line.

After 15 minutes, my nerves frazzled and I hung up so I could fetch a newspaper to read when I called back.

My second call also did not prove fruitful. I slammed the phone down after 10 minutes.

When I dialed a third time, I resolved to wait the utility out, even if it took all day.

So I chafed at the sappy version of “My Sweet Lord.” I seethed at the supposedly soothing string version of “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” even more irritating than the original version recorded, I might add, by a group called Steam.

And I pondered the fate of those who smell gas and try to reach the utility to warn of emergencies.

After 28 minutes, an operator answered and said she could send someone to my apartment.

When?

In four days.

At what time?

Oh, any time between 7:30 a.m. and 8 p.m.

On the night before the appointment, I took out several books from the public library and stopped at a grocery to stock up on provisions. I felt like an early American settler nestling into his log cabin for the long, cold winter.

It was a good thing I was prepared. The service rep did not arrive until 8:30 p.m.

A couple of days later, I called gas company officials to find out if my experience had been unusual. I also wanted to learn whether any homes have ever blown up while emergency callers were on hold listening to “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye.”

Spokesman Rich Puz emphasized that November was one of the busiest months for the utility, with thousands of households requesting that heater pilot lights be turned on. Nonetheless, Puz said, waits of 28 minutes and four days are quite unusual.

As for true emergencies, Puz said, the gas company’s best advice is to evacuate the premises and dial 911 from down the street.

Puz and his compatriots also agreed to share the results of a November computer call-in study, one of several measures they said they are currently undertaking to determine methods for improving service.

According to the report, one of every four callers (14,365 to be exact) hung up in frustration before receiving any response from the utility’s Foothill Division, which covers the Glendale and Pasadena area.

On average, customers waited 81 seconds before clicking off.

Patience, patience. If those callers had persevered just another 2 1/2 minutes, they would have gotten a live emergency operator on the line.

Currently, the company officials said, Southern California Gas is studying the possibility of installing emergency-only phone lines to serve its 23,000-square-mile system. The officials also expressed their apologies that it took so long for me to get through.

Still, Puz said, things could have been worse.

“My Sweet Lord? You lucked out if you got that.”