PERFORMANCES: AN OPINIONATED GUIDE

This is the rock ‘n’ roll lineup for the week. In the interest of convenience, we offer the following suggestions: For country music, try Cousin’s in Simi Valley, the Crazy Bull in Camarillo, or the Ban-Dar or the Chaparral Club in Ventura, the Galleon Room in Goleta--or try Bakersfield. For jazz, try Bistro Primo in Camarillo, the Bombay in Ventura or Joseppi’s or SoHO in Santa Barbara. For karaoke, try your shower and give us all a break. For Top 40 brain death cover bands, who cares anyway?

TONIGHT

* Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (Charlie’s, 362 California St., Ventura, 648-6688) . Sort of a retro-roots-rock outfit with some spiffy vocals featuring two-thirds of Durango 95 making this a Durango 47.5.

* Das (Club Soda, 317 E. Main St., Ventura, 652-0100) . Local reggae legend headlines this Club Dred scene.

* The Acousticats (The Mesa Cafe, 1972 Cliff Drive, Santa Barbara, 966-5303) . It’s a CD release party for these tight jazzy folk rockers.

* J. D.’s Last Ride (Toe’s Tavern, 416 State St., Santa Barbara, 965-4655) . A kinder, gentler surf bar with powerful rockabilly and gut-busting free pizza.

* Zack & A Modern View (The Ketch, 514 State St., Santa Barbara, 564-3231) . This popular hangout is where World Beat meets reggae.

* Circus Frequency, Polychrome (Alex’s Cantina, 633 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-0032) . Whoa, stop the presses! No Fin, Greg & Dave (they’re recording) for the first time in ages, but two S. B. pop rock outfits with good girl singers.

* Strange Brew (Art’s Bar, 2411 De la Vina St., Santa Barbara, 569-0052) . Not a Cream cover band, but the kind of music Art digs, S. B. rock.

FRIDAY

* Who Cares? (Schooner Time Restaurant, 5710 E. Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley, 526-1488) . It’s that old time rock ‘n’ roll that bikers and Bob Seger really like. (Also Saturday)

* Tim Buley Band (Champs, 1900 S. Victoria Ave., Oxnard, 984-8015) . Local guitarist with a vast repertoire.

* Lion I’s (Stingers, 2815 E. Main St., Ventura, 653-8086) . The most popular dance in the Poinsettia City entertains a whole herd of dancers under an $80,000 lighting system. (Also Saturday at the Ketch in Santa Barbara.)

* Life Outta Control (The Insomnia Coffee House, 255 S. Laurel St., Ventura, 648-5019) . Posters Outta Control is more like it, this band has scarcely left a naked telephone pole in the Poinsettia City.

* Love Masters (Charlie’s, 362 California St., Ventura, 648-6688) . Reggae is legal here but dancing isn’t, which makes about as much sense as going to the museum to not look at the paintings.

* Hot Tuna (Ventura Theatre, 26 Chestnut St., Ventura, 648-1888) . Two old-timers from the Jefferson Airplane long ago will have a lot of Deadheads and old hippies going “Oh, wow, man” with feeling.

* Ariel (Bermuda Triangle, 477 E. Main St., Ventura, 653-0466) . Local alternative guitar rock band as good as any of those rich ones on MTV.

* The Upbeats (Brewhouse Grill, 202 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-3090) . Ska meets killer beer.

* Manzanart (Toe’s Tavern, 416 State St., Santa Barbara, 965-4655) . Reggae by a band that just got signed. But without free pizza.

* Liquid Sunshine, The Gathering (Alex’s Cantina, 633 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-0032) . The first band is an acoustic girl group and the others used to be No One You Know, but now play original rock.

* Roadhouse Rockers (Creekside Inn, 4444 Hollister Ave., Goleta, 964-5118) . Righteous rockabilly trio with a stand-up bass, greasy hair and lots of songs.

* Meat Puppets (The Anaconda Theater, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 685-3112) . Speed metal for Deadheads from this Arizona trio with a decade of decibels behind them.

SATURDAY

* Rock Steady Posse (Garfield’s Bar & Grill, 2789 E. Main St., Ventura, 648-1917) . Pretty good food, plenty of sports on television with the sound off and tonight-reggae with the sound cranked up.

* The Signifiers With Buddy Smith (Hi Cees, 1583 Spinnaker Drive, Ventura, 658-8420) . Free blues in the harbor on a Saturday afternoon.

* Big Biscuit Express, Screwtape (The Insomniac Coffee House, 255 S. Laurel St., Ventura, 648-5019) . The first band rode a SCAT bus here from Biscuitonia 5 but it took 14 years so, obviously, it wasn’t the express. The other band features a bunch of guys from a bunch of other bands such as Jeff Sparks from I-Rails, Dave Ragsdale of the Mudheads and Matt Schulte formerly of Crashing Plains, half of Matt & Bill and the brain behind Cool Engine Myth. Boy, after all that, this better be good. See Night Life

* Texas Tornados, J. D.’s Last Ride (Ventura Theatre, 26 Chestnut St., Ventura, 648-1888) . Tex-Mex rockabilly heroes by the only four Texans who don’t live in California already.

* Spencer the Gardener (Brewhouse Grill, 202 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-3090) . The most popular band in Santa Barbara. Get there early or be like that Oingo Boingo song--”On the Outside.”

* Swingin’ Tikis (Toe’s Tavern, 416 State St., Santa Barbara, 965-4655) . Groovy surf music in the groovy surf bar. Groovy.

* Wicked Willie & the Fishtail (Alex’s Cantina, 633 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-0032) . Rock in the Fleetwood Mac style--so they tell me. (Also Tuesday)

* Eek-A-Mouse, Common Sense, Jah Bone (Storke Field, UC Santa Barbara, 897-9375) . It’s the fourth annual Bob Marley Day Festival.

* The Dickies, the Youth Brigade (The Anaconda Theatre, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 685-3112) . ‘70s cartoon punk resurrected in the ‘90s.

SUNDAY

* John Marx & the Blues Patrol (Hi Cees, 1583 Spinnaker Drive, Ventura, 658-8420) . Different day, different band, same harbor, same price.

MONDAY

* Takara, Warbride (Cheers, 1308 E. Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley, 581-2488) . Hard rock for the hard heads of the east county.

* Teresa James & the Rhythm Tramps (Alexander’s, Harbor Boulevard and Spinnaker Drive, Ventura, 652-2000) . It’s the Blue Monday show.

* Two Good Reasons (Charlie’s, 362 California St., Ventura, 648-6688) . No dancing tonight--it’s folk rock, but you never know.

* Chunk, Rogue Cheddar, Big Biscuit Express, Zeet Rio (The Insomniac Coffee House, 255 S. Laurel St., Ventura, 648-5019) . It’s a party for the party, the Green Party, that is.

* Rick Reeves & the Future Blues (Alex’s Cantina, 633 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-0032) . It’s classic rock and blues on a Monday night.

* Dysfunktional (Alex’s Cantina, 5918 Hollister Ave., Goleta, 683-2577) . And tonight, making their local debut at the other Alex’s. . . .

* Reverend Horton Heat (The Anaconda Theater, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 685-3112) . Rockabilly madman who wants to make the world sweat.

TUESDAY

* Richie & the Sugarbeets (Charlie’s, 362 California St., Ventura, 648-6688) . Blues band making its local debut.

* The Wedding Band (The Ketch, 514 State St., Santa Barbara, 564-3231) . A hundred guys from a thousand bands who know a million songs. Spencer sings, you dance. Simple.

WEDNESDAY

* Whereabouts (Charlie’s, 362 California St., Ventura, 648-6688) . Youthful alternative guitar band that usually attracts friends.

* Cecil B. DeMillions, Bitch Magnet (Zelo, 630 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-5792) . Not a cast of thousands, just hard rock.

* Yellowman (The Anaconda Theater, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 685-3112) . “The sun’s not yellow, it’s chicken” or, for now, reggae.

Yup, it’s only rock ‘n’ roll and, thus, these listings are subject to change for no apparent reason. Mom was right--call first.