Carlsbad Can Soon Look to the Stars for Advice

Hang on, Carlsbad, (astrological) help is on the way.

Louis Turi, known professionally as Maitre-Paris, has been granted $1,000 to do an hourlong video for community-access television explaining how Carlsbad is being pummeled by astrological forces:

“I will use signs that have been drawn from the ancients to make them aware of the subtle, mystical energy of the universe that is affecting their city.”

He’s 42, lives in Oceanside, and publishes the Divine Astrology Universal Predictions. He’s a former pop singer. He says he’s had five close encounters.

One as a boy in France (monkey-like figures dancing around his bed), one in the Swiss Alps (three 7-foot-tall creatures), one in a disco in the south of France (a flying saucer) and two on Interstate 5.

In one I-5 encounter, he and his wife were snatched at Santa Ana and woke up in Glendale. The second occurred near the Border Patrol checkpoint.

He sends (unsolicited) letters to Pete Wilson, Maureen O’Connor and Bob Burgreen, among others.

He wrote to L.A. Police Chief Daryl Gates a year ago, explaining that Gates’ career was about to be trashed because the moon was in Scorpio. Gates, preferring to live dangerously, never wrote back.

Turi figures Carlsbad wouldn’t be in such political turmoil if it understood that its fate is in the stars.

He applied for a grant from the City Council-appointed Community Television Foundation, which dispenses money collected from Daniels Cablevision.

Turi’s bid got approved easily, along with those from people wanting to do videos on the Carlsbad triathalon and edible wildflowers of San Diego County.

He’s not surprised that Carlsbad--incorporated in July, 1952, under the sign of Cancer--is having a civic brawl over the bars-bearing artwork “Split Pavilion.”

“In art, Carlsbad is very unlucky,” he said. “The Dragon’s Tail is in Leo, which is the sign of art. In matters of art, power and ego, Carlsbad has trouble.”

He did a community star chart for La Jolla in 1989. He concluded that La Jolla is heavily influenced by Uranus and the retrograde motions of Mercury.

He said that explains why real estate is booming but traffic is awful.

It’s a Jungle Out There

See here.

* If only they treated women like they do animals.

Marine quoted in the Camp Pendleton newspaper about how vigorously the base protects wildlife:

“They kind of take it too far. You hassle a snake and you go to the brig.”

* Provoked by Lorne Fleming’s conservative doggerel, Alice Mayhugh of San Diego has fired back with “Republicans ‘81-’92.”

The sick just get sicker

There’s more drugs & more liquor

Our children are wanting

The homeless are daunting.

So let’s clean out the Senate

Let lots fewer men in it

Then scrub out the House

And replace them with spouse.

We say NO MORE WARS

To settle our scores

And ask pols to do more

With Clinton and Gore.

* Your government at (non) work.

It remains to be seen how many people will attend the formal dedication Thursday of the Sheriff’s Department’s new headquarters in Kearny Mesa.

The telephone number given on the invitation for RSVPs is “non-working,” according to a recording.

(Don’t be a wise guy and say that a lot of people on the county payroll should also be labeled “non-working.”)

Against the Grain

When the Research Society on Alcoholism, which studies how booze has infiltrated the culture, held its annual meeting recently at the Hyatt Regency in La Jolla, members got a firsthand lesson.

Each conventioneer found that his/her room held a liquor cabinet and “Private Butler” menu.

It suggested an orange blossom (gin and orange juice) for an “eye opener,” a sea breeze (vodka, cranberry juice and grapefruit juice) for an “afternoon delight” and maybe a Beefeater martini for “a late-night craving.”