No bombshells today:We figure you’re probably a...

No bombshells today:

We figure you’re probably a bit worn out, news-wise. So the only stunner we have to report is that the Ninety Niners Discount Market in West L.A. is holding a going-out-of-business sale at which “all 99 cents items are 89 cents.”

WHAT ON EARTH?It has withstood the taunts of the scientific community, but the Lancaster-based headquarters of the Flat Earth Society was recently destroyed by a more elemental force--fire.

And founder Charles Johnson, who lost all his membership records, is hoping to hear from the 23-year-old group’s 3,500 subscribers so he can put together a new list.

“The BBC called me from England, so word will get out there,” Johnson said. “And I just got a call from a couple in Holland. Funny thing is, I also heard from a former captain at Edwards Air Force Base. He’d lost his membership certificate when he moved.”

The fire also wiped out Johnson’s back copies of the Flat Earth News, published four times a year ($25 for new members, $15 for renewals), as well as his copies of the Flat Earth Map (rectangular-shaped, of course).

Johnson, who believes the space missions have all been faked, says the question he is asked most often is: If the world’s flat, how come no one has fallen off the edge? His response: “No one has reached the edge.” He refuses to believe there are other planets and, as for the lights that are twinkling in the skies, he says: “Who knows what they are?”

The destruction of his records was a disaster, but things could be worse. At least his headquarters wasn’t hit by a meteor.

YOU GOTTA BELIEVE: David Croonquist of Lancaster found a church on wheels that performs good works--even if a cynic could read the message on its van the wrong way (see photo).

BASEMENT OF FAME: But enough about Lancaster, Calif. Let’s move on to Lancaster, N.H., where townsfolk are collecting cement impressions of famous visitors for their own planned Walk of Fame.

This comes at a vulnerable time for Hollywood, which had to put many of its plaques in storage during the Metro Rail subway construction. The Fargo, N.D., Walk of Fame and the Chula Vista, Calif., Walk of Fame, among others, have since held several inductions, though neither has tried to seize the title of Entertainment Capital.

“My first thought was, ‘Who famous comes to Lancaster?’ ” said a modest Lawrence (Gomer) Powell, the town’s water department superintendent. He is in charge of the plaques stored in the Town Hall basement.

Lancaster’s inductees include author Ernest Hebert, filmmaker Jay Craven and former Olympic skier Penny Pitou--none of whom are on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Well, we have to end this part of the column here.

Sorry, but we couldn’t think of any more Lancaster items.

miscelLAny:

The Vatican Library Collection of costume jewelry, designed by the 1928 Jewelry Co. of Burbank, is being introduced in department stores around the country this week in connection with the visit of Pope John Paul II. The Vatican-sanctioned line includes such items as a gold-and-silver-plated rosary box with a carved cover of Madonna and child. (No, not Madonna the singer.)