Bad Teams and Even Worse Opinions

A review of Week 11 in the NFL, and everyone knows Stan Humphries was knocked woozy, but what’s Charger linebacker Junior Seau’s excuse?

Only three teams in the AFC have worse records than the Chargers, but asked about the team’s playoff

chance Sunday after its third loss in four games, Seau said, “It’s not diminished. It really isn’t.”

Out of It, Part II

Speaking of the Raiders, and how can you without doubling over in laughter, the team’s “Return to Glory” campaign is in full swing.

“We [screwed up], the way we do every weekend,” said owner Al Davis in his team’s locker room after Sunday’s 13-10 loss to the New Orleans Saints.

While Davis met with several of his players in reported animated discussions, quarterback Jeff George said, “They knew what we were doing. It wasn’t hard to defend us.”

Now who told the Saints the Raiders were going to employ the vertical passing game?

Cha-Ching!

It just got more expensive for any team wishing to move to Los Angeles, thanks to former Ram president John Shaw and the St. Louis Convention and Visitor’s Commission, which lost a $130-million antitrust lawsuit against the NFL.

A federal judge threw out the suit Monday for a lack of evidence, and the NFL’s arrogance in dictating a city’s financial terms of surrender in trying to woo another franchise to move here just went off the scale.

“It just reinforces the fact that we’re entitled to have relocation rules, and we can charge a reasonable fee for teams that move,” said Frank Rothman, the NFL’s attorney, who lives in football-less Los Angeles.

Three Teams to Watch Closer

1. New England--The Patriots’ last two victories have been scored against Buffalo, one in September, the other in November. The Patriots are now volunteering to go to Buffalo in December.

2. New York Jets--Coach Bill Parcells messes with success, starts ace reliever Glenn Foley, now 0-4 as a starter.

3. Dallas--Six more weeks of exclusive reports from inside NFL sources claiming they know who the next Cowboy coach is going to be.

Statistics to Ponder

Cardinal quarterbacks have been sacked 41 times in the last seven games. That’s a lot. . . . Under Rich Brooks, the Rams were outscored a year ago, 229-145. This year, under Dick Vermeil, they have been outscored, 127-73. Maybe the Rams are still used to those L.A. crowds who were on their way home after halftime. . . . Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre threw for 300 yards for the first time all season in the Packers’ 10th game of the year, and led his team to 17 points.

Jacksonville has won 11 in a row at home and plays three of its next four in Alltel Stadium. . . . The Rams, looking more like the Raiders, had 15 penalties. . . . Miami running back Karim Abdul-Jabbar has averaged 110 yards rushing in four games with the Jets, 63 yards a game against the rest of the league. . . . Raider running back Napoleon Kaufman had 15 yards in 14 carries against the Saints.

Say What?

Chicago quarterback Erik Kramer said of the Bears’ 1-9 season, “I look at it like the movie, ‘Braveheart.’ We have to go out there and bloody some noses.”

In “Braveheart,” Mel Gibson dies a ghastly death in the final scene.

Tardy Courage

Minnesota wide receiver Cris Carter drew kudos for recently telling ESPN’s Andrea Kremer that the Eagles had cut him in 1989 because of his drug and alcohol dependency. Nice of him to ‘fess up, but for the last eight years, Carter has let people believe that Buddy Ryan didn’t know talent and cut Carter because he wasn’t tough enough.

Stiff Alert

The NFL, looking more and more like the USFL, continues to showcase a lack of depth at quarterback.

Buffalo’s Alex Van Pelt, Baltimore’s Eric Zeier, St. Louis’ Mark Rypien, Kansas City’s Rich Gannon, Indianapolis’ Kelly Holcomb and Arizona’s Jake Plummer accounted for one touchdown pass and 10 interceptions. Throw in--or throw away--Baltimore’s Vinny Testaverde, and you have seven quarterbacks who combined for one touchdown pass and 13 interceptions.

This Week’s Kevin Butler Goof Award

Parcells wins it.

Fourth and five at the Miami 30-yard line and Wayne Chrebet catches a pass, stretches for additional yardage and touches the ball to the ground. Back judge Tom Sifferman, across the field, signals an incompletion.

After the game Parcells yells at an official--the wrong one.

“I don’t think you want to print what he said,” said side judge John Robison. “He indicated that if there was a mistake, then I cost him the game. I think he must have thought I made the call.”

Tiebreaker Notes

The Jets, Patriots and Dolphins are tied in the AFC East, but New York’s in trouble because of a 2-4 division record, while the Patriots are 4-1 and the Dolphins 3-1.

Hop Aboard the Good Ship Lollipop

The Rams have lost six consecutive games but hug-happy Vermeil said, “Holding [the Packers] to 17 points is a positive.”

In San Diego, Coach Kevin Gilbride remains clueless, saying fans of the Chargers can get real excited about the team because “at least a great effort has been given.”

Come on, the Saints play badly earlier this season and Mike Ditka says, “We stink.” The Jets lose and Parcells holds tackle Jumbo Elliott, cornerback Otis Smith and receiver Jeff Graham responsible. “Jumbo did not play well,” Parcells said.

Parcells also said he will fine guard Matt O’Dwyer for a late hit at the end of the game that drew a 15-yard penalty.

If the Planets Are Aligned

The Giants and Redskins, who are tied for the NFC East Division lead at 6-4, play each other twice over the last six weeks of the season, including the second to last weekend, Saturday, Dec. 13, at Giants Stadium.

Lottery Winner

Indianapolis quarterback Jim Harbaugh, suspended without pay for punching broadcaster Jim Kelly, earned $187,000 Sunday after being added once again to the Colts’ roster and holding a clipboard all day.

John Elway Revisited

The Colts--then in Baltimore--with the No. 1 draft pick in 1983 after going 0-8-1 in the strike-shortened 1982 season, drafted John Elway and traded him to Denver.

Indianapolis is 0-10 with four of its last six games on the road against opponents with a combined record of 38-22. This week’s assignment: Green Bay.

If the Colts get the first pick in the draft, they might be cash-poor and unable to sign a player like quarterback Peyton Manning. Look for Denver to place a call.