Clinton May Have Too Many Hobbies

Downey’s California:

* I think I speak for most Americans when I say to President Clinton, if you have to have a hobby, stick with golf and jogging.

* NBC-TV is so shameless, I am surprised John Lithgow didn’t burst in on the State of the Union address and begin screaming: “Run for your lives!”

* Too bad Linda Tripp doesn’t work in Dallas. She would have already blabbed the name of the new Cowboy coach to somebody.

* In his “State of the City” address, L.A. Councilman Nate Holden intends to announce: “And the Rams are coming back too!”

* Hillary Rodham Clinton’s next book is about Green Bay. The title is: “It Takes a Village to Lose a Super Bowl.”

* As a comment on what Green Bay’s defense did during those last two minutes, Packer fans should have changed their hats from cheddar to Limburger.

* Super Bowl XXXII was so big in Colorado, I am fairly sure the highlight film will be voted best documentary at the film festival at Telluride.

* Next Christmas in Colorado, happy kids can expect a “Tickle Me Elway” doll.

* I know one reason why Terry Donahue should definitely not coach the Dallas Cowboys. I like Terry Donahue.

* The Packers tell everybody else they should hire Sherman Lewis as coach. OK, but let’s be sure they put their money where their mouths are. If they lose Coach Mike Holmgren to some other team, the Pack had better be playing next season for “Coach Sherm.”

* Item: The Baltimore Ravens want quarterback Jim Kelly to come out of retirement. Reaction: Yeah, and I want the Cleveland Browns to come out of retirement.

* ABC-TV is replacing Frank Gifford in the “Monday Night Football” booth with Boomer Esiason. If it works out, I think we can expect a hilarious new ABC sitcom for next fall, “Giffer and Boomer.”

* I am so sick of those Budweiser frogs, I wish they’d croak.

* Personally, I believe those commercials gave Denver’s Terrell Davis that migraine.

* CBS Sports is all set for the Winter Olympics, but isn’t sure how David Letterman’s mother will do on the NFL.

* Kenya has an Olympic team in cross-country skiing. I am serious. Either Kenya’s athletes train someplace else, or that darn El Nino really is having a global effect.

* I hope Michelle Kwan won’t watch our NHL players at the Olympics too much. She probably would check Tara Lipinski into the boards.

* Speaking of violence, Latrell Sprewell is trying to explain why he choked P.J. Carlesimo, his coach. I suspect this case will turn when the gloves don’t fit.

* Hey, kids! At halftime of the NBA All-Star game, don’t miss Sprewell, Chris Webber, Charles Barkley, Nick Van Exel and Dennis Rodman as they compete in the Coach-Choking, Arrest-Resisting, Fan-Throwing, Referee-Slamming, Cameraman-Kicking contest. And don’t miss “Law and Order,” later this week on NBC!

* The Clippers have lost twice to the Denver Nuggets. That’s kind of like a rat losing twice to a mouse.

* If Kobe Bryant retires at 65 as many Americans do, he could be a 46-time all-star.

* Poor little Chicago Bulls. Someday, if they get better, maybe they can have four all-stars.

* Mike Tyson is involving himself with pro wrestling. You know, if this sort of behavior keeps up, people aren’t going to respect Mike the way they do now.

* I hope Marv Albert isn’t broadcasting the Winter Olympics. He’ll freeze, dressed like that.

* The owner of the San Diego Padres isn’t sure he can vote for somebody as irresponsible as Rupert Murdoch to own the Dodgers. First, he had better discuss it with baseball’s more responsible owners, such as George Steinbrenner and Marge Schott.