Sherwood Is the Place for Separation Anxiety

I was waiting for my opportunity to talk with Tiger Woods Tuesday at the Sherwood Country Club when someone pointed to a hill overlooking the magnificent 18-hole layout and said Wayne Gretzky is building a multimillion-dollar castle there.

Now I know how popular Tiger is these days, but let’s be honest--the only thing separating Tiger and myself these days is probably one or two shots a hole, and the only thing keeping me from being Gretzky’s neighbor is the salary The Times is paying me.

That tells me I should be playing more golf, and should be paid more.

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A DAY at Sherwood will do that to you, the intimidating 20-to-30 foot high iron gates swinging open to a Shangri-la world most of us are only allowed to visit with the promise to leave as soon as the annual Williams World Challenge concludes.

Craig T. Nelson, the police chief on CBS’s “The District”, has a mansion here, and you know how cops like to protect their own. Ed Hogan, who owns Pleasant Hawaiian Vacations, settled here in a home almost as big as Maui. A nice lady named Elizabeth, working on behalf of Sherwood, said she could put me in a low-end home inside the iron gates for the protection I probably need for $1.6 million with an additional $300,000 for a golf membership--and she was very understanding when I told her I had unfortunately forgotten my checkbook.

Now living in Placentia next to Tom & Aida, I’m quite familiar with both sides of the tracks. I mean I know all about the gap between the very best, thank you, and everyone else. There are the Lakers, for example, and then every other team in the NBA. The Yankees and the Dodgers. There’s also the long and short of it. Shaquille O’Neal and Doug Flutie. And both ends of the stick. My wife’s friends drive BMWs, while she has the daughter’s hand-me-down Ford Escort with pictures of the grocery store bagger glued all over the dashboard.

The separation from top to bottom can be pretty pronounced, too, and that’s why I commend someone of Tiger’s stature for helping those still working their way up the TV ladder like Steve Edwards of “Good Morning, L.A.,” who shows some promise.

Tiger had time Tuesday to do only two TV interviews, and while I’m sure he was expecting to be on The SIMERS Show, he had no way of knowing producers had already invited Dodger first baseman Eric Karros to discuss each and every one of his strikeouts this past season--in what could turn out to be a month-long series.

The pro that Tiger is, he acted as if he wasn’t disappointed, sitting down instead with KCAL’s James Worthy and never once asking Edwards why Jillian Barberie couldn’t have been there instead to interview him.

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NOW A year ago there was probably no bigger gap anywhere than that between Tiger and every one else who swings a golf club in the world. He played in 20 tournaments, finished in the top 10 on 17 occasions and won nine times.

He became the only reason to watch golf, making it almost a disappointment this past season when he won only five times, finishing in the top 10 in nine tournaments and winning only one major title, the Masters.

“I had a great year,” said Woods, and I say sure--maybe by Jeff Sluman standards.

“Any year you can win a major championship is a great year,” he continued. “If I can do that for the rest of my career, you can write ‘slump’ all you want.”

Slump, slump, slump when you’re Tiger and you finish 12th, 16th, 20th, 25th and 29th in consecutive 2001 tournaments. That’s like the Lakers losing to Phoenix after already beating them by 23 points--inexcusable. I expect the Lakers to win every game, and tell me you disagree: There’s just nothing worse than a Sunday of TV golf with Tiger having already finished by the time the leaders go off.

“I know the players have gotten better,” Woods said. “I didn’t hit the ball quite as consistently as I did in 2000. My stats were off, but I was somehow able to win the Vardon Trophy [best average score] again. So it wasn’t that bad of a year.”

The gap between Woods, however, and the rest of the field appeared to shrink last year, and while some people point to the NFL and like that kind of thing in sports, I prefer watching the Rams explode, the Yankees dominate, the Lakers go after the Bulls’ record, and Woods leaving everyone behind in his divot.

A year ago he shot a 76 in the final round at Sherwood to finish 10th in the Williams Challenge, which begins again Thursday with a field of 18 competing for $4.1 million in prize money. Dwyre saw that 76, and began to dedicate himself at this late stage of life to the game of golf, telling everyone it was now his one goal in life to fire the same score as Tiger someday at Sherwood.

No one’s had the heart to tell him he’ll never get past those big metal gates.

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AS SOME of you might have noticed, “The Practice” was forced to move up an hour last week after losing its 10 p.m. time slot to The SIMERS Show, which featured an appearance by Pepperdine Coach Paul Westphal. Asked which victory (UCLA or USC) was the most pleasing to him, he said, “USC. I think USC is the better team.”

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USC BASKETBALL Coach Henry Bibby cleared it up. When Sam Clancy missed free throws the other night that could have secured a win for the Trojans over Pepperdine, Bibby said it was because Clancy is a terrible free-throw shooter, and not because he’s a choker. That’s certainly a relief.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Greg:

“You’re calling us folks from Nebraska hicks? I saw your haircut on TV the other night. Just awful. And we’re the hicks?”

You’re not the first person to get me mixed up with Todd Donoho.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.