Dodgers Hook Minnow Instead of a Big Marlin

The Dodgers’ relentless off-season drive to improve continued Saturday with the exciting announcement they had traded for Juan Encarnacion.

In fact, I probably owe General Manager Dan Evans an apology -- I never thought he’d find someone to fill the shoes of Mike Kinkade.

Yes, Encarnacion is a perfect fit for the Dodgers. He failed miserably in postseason play for the Florida Marlins, hitting .184 and getting sent to the bench, but the Dodgers never make it to postseason play, so talk about home sweet home.

The Marlins made it clear to the baseball world they no longer wanted Encarnacion, playing a kid in his place who had never played in the outfield before the World Series, which is just the kind of player the Dodgers have been stockpiling the last few years. Won’t be surprised to hear at some point that he’s related to Todd Hundley in some way.

To get Encarnacion, the Dodgers had to give up “a player to be named,” and you can imagine the Marlins wanting to take their time on this one as they pick their way through the Dodger talent pool of Steve Colyer, Jason Romano and Wilkin Ruan.

Hey, for all we know, maybe the Marlins get Paul Lo Duca as the player to be named because Evans doesn’t have the guts to tell us.

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NOW THE first thing the Dodgers are telling us about this new stiff who was benched by the Marlins with everything on the line is he didn’t make an error in 156 games last season. Great, another guy who can’t hit.

“His bat will fit nicely in our lineup,” Evans said, confirming what I just said.

As you know, the Dodgers have already re-upped Robin Ventura, so the good thing about putting Encarnacion and Ventura back-to-back in the lineup -- there will still be one out left in the inning.

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I SUPPOSE you have to say it’s impressive that Encarnacion’s name was never linked to the Dodgers before the blockbuster trade was announced, thereby denying another team the opportunity to get him before Evans. Of course, this guy might be so bad no one else wanted him.

The Dodgers were interested in Derek Lee, but the Chicago Cubs got him. Then it was Richie Sexson, who went to Arizona, followed by Kazuo Matsui, who signed with the New York Mets. Once the trade with the New York Yankees is completed, the Dodgers were reportedly going to ship pitcher Jeff Weaver to St. Louis for outfielder J.D. Drew.

The Atlanta Braves traded for Drew on Saturday. The Dodgers are left with Weaver, who I’m told might be used now to pitch batting practice to the Dodgers before every game in an effort to bolster their confidence.

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YOU DON’T think the Dodgers are putting us on, now do you? I saw this picture in the paper of the new guy who is going to buy the team and it looks as if he’s trying to sneak out a door. I’ve never heard him say a word. His wife is an attorney. I can’t imagine a bigger nightmare.

He’s apparently had trouble scraping together the money to buy the Dodgers, which makes you wonder how much money he’s going to have left to pay players.

It’s going to take some bucks to get the Boston shortstop, the Montreal outfielder or one of those hitters from the Chicago White Sox. Christmas is coming, and you know his wife, the attorney, is going to want some real nice gifts, too, and if the guy is short on cash, I think we know who wins.

I checked with Clipper owner Donald Sterling at courtside before Saturday night’s Clipper game and asked if he would cover any of the guy’s shortfalls if the new Dodger owner has a problem. And he surprised me.

“I’ve talked to the guy,” Sterling said, and I can’t think of a better situation than an experienced owner in Los Angeles such as Donald Sterling advising the new Dodger owner. “I know all about the finances, and listen, he’s going to have all the money needed to do this deal. And he’s going to get it done.”

I feel better now knowing Sterling approves of the new Dodger owner.

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I’M NOT sure if an application process is the right way to proceed on this, but now that Kevin Brown has left town, I’m going to need somebody else to pick on. Maybe nominations, or suggestions from e-mailers.

I stopped by the Clipper locker room to see if Corey Maggette wanted to take Brown’s place on Page 2, but he said, “How are you doing Mr. Simers? Hope everything is good for you.”

This might be more difficult than I thought unless the Dodgers make a trade for White Sox first baseman Frank Thomas. I’m told he’s just what I’m looking for in a replacement for Brown.

Too bad I can’t get the Clippers interested in acquiring Rasheed Wallace.

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IS THERE any difference between hacking Shaquille O’Neal in an effort to win a game and walking Barry Bonds just about every time he comes to the plate?

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HAWKISH BECAME the first quarter horse this week to receive it’s own hat deal. A Kentucky company, which makes baseball caps, gave the endorsement deal to the horse, and then the horse finished ninth of 10 horses running Friday night in the Los Alamitos Futurity. I guess all athletes are alike.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Roy Nwaisser:

“I don’t normally use as much ... profanity as I am about to, but it’s my only ... defense from becoming you ... Last Word. What do you think you’re doing Mr. Simers? Are you trying to give USC fans a ... heart attack? That was the meanest thing you could do as a writer [suggesting Pete Carroll was leaving for Atlanta]. Are you ... upset; don’t take it out on us ... creep. You’ve sunk to new lows.”

Kind of like using profanity almost every other word.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.