Artest Delivers Another Punch Line

Ron Artest tells interviewer Bernard Goldberg on tonight’s edition of HBO’s “Real Sports” that he plans to retire from the NBA in two or three years.

Then what? Among other things, Artest says he wants to try professional boxing.

“Are you telling me you think you could’ve taken Ben Wallace?” Goldberg asks.

Artest: “I won’t fight him on the court, but if he wants to fight organized, pay per view, no riot, nothing crazy, just a fight ... “

And of course HBO would televise it.

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Trivia time: Artest was drafted by the Chicago Bulls in the first round in 1999 after playing two seasons at what college?

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A “we” problem: Reggie Miller will be working as a studio analyst and game analyst for TNT this season, meaning he inevitably will be commenting on his former team, the Indiana Pacers.

“I’ve told everyone from the beginning I apologize if I say ‘we’ when I’m calling a Pacer game,” Miller said on a conference call. “I’m trying to wean myself from saying ‘we’ in conversations, but for 18 years that’s all I knew.”

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Good anytime: TNT’s Charles Barkley recently made a guest appearance on Jay Leno’s show. He followed 11-year-old actress Dakota Fanning, who stars in the horse-racing movie “Dreamer.”

Fanning, a Girl Scout, had been discussing selling Girl Scout cookies with Leno. So when Barkley came out, Leno said, “Maybe Charles will buy some Girl Scout cookies.”

“But it’s not Girl Scout cookie season yet,” Fanning explained.

Said Barkley: “Every season is cookie season.”

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Hardly a prison: A topic Leno discussed with Barkley was the sentence for BALCO’s Victor Conte -- four months in prison and four under house arrest.

After noting that the sentence was less than what Martha Stewart got, Barkley said, “What killed me about Martha Stewart was, they put an ankle bracelet on her. Martha Stewart lives on a 150-acre ranch with housekeepers and a cook. What, is she going to make a run for it?”

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Ahead of his time: Larry Brown, the New York Knicks’ new coach, in an NBA TV special that airs today at 3:30 p.m. and also features Phil Jackson, says of his peripatetic career: “If you look at coaching today, we’ve had over 100 coaching changes in less than three years in the NBA. So maybe I’ve been ahead of the curve.”

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Not a ghost of a chance: David Letterman, on sure signs of autumn in New York: “Earlier today I saw a Jet receiver drop a pumpkin.”

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Looking back: On this day in 2000, Pat Riley notched his 1,000th coaching victory as the Miami Heat posted its most lopsided win in an opener with a 105-79 rout of the Orlando Magic. Riley reached the plateau in 1,434 games, fewer than any coach or manager in any sport.

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Trivia answer: St. John’s.

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And finally: Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on UCLA: “This team has made more startling comebacks than Cher.”

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Larry Stewart can be reached at larry.stewart@latimes.com.