Text messages from press row . . .

For the Dodgers, today’s series finale against the Colorado Rockies should be filed under the heading, “Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead.” . . .

It’s all but official now: For the 15th time in 19 seasons -- since they won the 1988 World Series -- the Dodgers will not reach the playoffs, which maybe isn’t so bad because they’ve won one playoff game in that stretch. . . .

The Angels, meanwhile, are locked in a battle for the best record in baseball and are close to nailing down their third American League West title in four years. . . .

Imagine the uproar if Bob Costas or Bryant Gumbel asked Tony Parker the same question about wife Eva Longoria that the “Desperate Housewives” actress was asked about Parker on the red carpet Sunday at the Emmys. . . .

Asked TV Guide’s Lisa Rinna, “How’s sex with Tony?” . . .

Is nothing private? . . .

Says ESPN’s Jim Gray, “First of all, I wouldn’t ask that question. I’m a voyeur of sports, not of other people’s sex lives. . . and I guess any answer he gave me really wouldn’t be satisfactory because it wouldn’t be me having the sex.” . . .

For the record, Longoria laughed and said, “It is great.”. . .

Misogynistic? Check. . . .

Foul-mouthed? Check. . . .

If he can rhyme, Isiah Thomas might have a future as a rapper. . . .

Clearly, Atlanta’s East Lake Country Club was not Tiger-proofed: Tiger Woods’ worst round at the Tour Championship was a four-under-par 66. . . .

In 16 tournaments this year, Woods has won $10,867,052, more than the total won by the PGA Tour’s second- and third-leading money winners, Phil Mickelson ($5,819,988) and Vijay Singh ($4,728,376), in a combined 48 events. . . .

Brett Favre, who surpassed John Elway on Sunday to become the winningest quarterback in NFL history, still trails Elway, 2-1, in Super Bowl victories. . . .

Elway’s Denver Broncos, of course, upset Favre’s Green Bay Packers, 31-24, in the 1998 Super Bowl, denying the Packers a second consecutive NFL title. . . .

A year later, Elway & Co. repeated against the Atlanta Falcons. . . .

Donovan McNabb makes a great point when he says that the NFL’s African American quarterbacks are unfairly scrutinized. . . .

But aren’t all quarterbacks?. . .

USC, which opens Pacific 10 Conference play Saturday against Washington State at the Coliseum, is 42-7 in conference play under Coach Pete Carroll and has yet to lose twice to a Pac-10 foe under the seventh-year coach. . . .

Every Pac-10 team except Arizona and Arizona State has defeated a Carroll-coached USC team, but only Stanford has done it at the Coliseum. . . .

That was six years ago. . . .

If UCLA continues to play like it did against Utah, Athletic Director Dan Guerrero should make sure that all the Bruins’ games are televised on Versus. . . .

UCLA’s players weren’t the only ones discombobulated last week. . . .

Early in the fourth quarter, radio announcer Chris Roberts told his audience that Utah already had thrown three touchdown passes “in the air.”. . .

Charlie Weis surely will be made aware that he already has lost more games in his third season as Notre Dame’s coach than predecessors Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, Ara Parseghian, Dan Devine and Lou Holtz combined. . . .

Those five were a cumulative 50-2-1 in their third seasons. . . .

Hockey- and baseball-loving actor-writer Denis Leary is said to be a diehard fan of the Boston Bruins and Red Sox, but a monologue in the season finale of Leary’s FX series, “Rescue Me,” indicates a preference for Canada’s national pastime. . . .

Kenny Shea, a character played by John Scurti, refers to baseball as “mind-bogglingly boring” and notes, “Baseball and life, one and the same. Everybody says that life is too short. Bull. Life, unless you get cancer or hit by a bus or set on fire, takes forever -- just like baseball.” . . .

Steve Scott’s U.S. record in the mile, which stood for 25 years before it was broken in July by Alan Webb, was 3 minutes 47.69 seconds. . . .

Webb’s mark: 3:46.91. . . .

Incredibly, Hicham El Guerrouj of Morocco has bettered the U.S. record seven times, most notably when he set the world record of 3:43.13 in 1999. . . .

O.J. Simpson: Absolutely, 100% not believable.

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jerome.crowe@latimes.com