Dear Liz: I'm a single mom with three kids. My mortgage is $1,700. My other monthly bills include $355 for a car loan, $755 for school tuition, $350 for utilities, $790 for credit cards, $200 for gas, $208 for braces and $235 for a 401(k) contribution. This leaves no money for food. I get no child support. How can I pay down my credit card debt? I don't have any money for a baby sitter or I could get a second job.
Answer: The way you pay down credit card debt is by reducing expenses and increasing income to free up extra cash. If that's not possible, you may need to consider bankruptcy, given the amount of debt you're carrying.
If you're paying only the minimums on your credit cards, that monthly bill indicates you have close to $40,000 in credit card debt. Since you can't cover your basic expenses, you're probably adding to that debt pile every month. That needs to stop.
You don't say why you aren't receiving child support, but if the father isn't dead or disabled he should be helping to support his kids. Your state has an enforcement agency that can help you. Child support enforcement is often part of a state's social services department, although it may also be offered by the state attorney general or its revenue (tax) department.
One obvious, if painful, place to trim is private school tuition. If the school can't offer you financial aid, you should consider placing your kids in the best public school you can manage.
What you don't want to do is trim your retirement plan contribution. You're probably getting a company match, which is free money you'll need to sustain yourself in retirement.
In general, your "must have" expenses — shelter, transportation, food, utilities, insurance and minimum loan payments — should equal no more than 50% of your after-tax income. If your must-haves exceed that level, it will be tough to make ends meet, particularly if you're trying to pay off debt and save for the future.
What if adult children try to impoverish parents?
Dear Liz: You had an interesting column recently about the filial responsibility laws that most states have on their books requiring adult children to support indigent parents. I have friends that transferred their parents' funds to the grandchildren so the parents will qualify for
Answer: The government does indeed see through transparent attempts to artificially impoverish older people to qualify for Medicaid, which offers nursing home care for the indigent.
Medicaid has "look back" rules that examine asset transfers made within the previous five years. Transfers made during that period can delay the older person's eligibility for the program. In other words, your friends' maneuvers may well backfire. You should advise them to consult an elder law attorney. Referrals are available from the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys at http://www.naela.org.
Don't blame parents for financial predicament
Dear Liz: In your answer about filial responsibility, your statement that the letter writer's financial situation is the result of her own choices and that she needs to stop blaming her parents is completely misjudged and inappropriate. Clearly, the writer is not blaming the parents and seems amazingly strong and clear thinking for one with her early background.
Answer: Here's what the writer wrote about her situation:
"I am an only child in my late 30s and received no financial help from [my mother] from the age of 18. In addition, my father died when I was very young, leaving us fairly destitute with no life insurance. I feel that both of these legacies have contributed to my less-than-optimal financial situation."
The writer goes on to say that she's trying to catch up financially but she feels it would be futile because she may have to support her mother in the future.
The writer started her adult life at a financial disadvantage compared with people whose parents helped them pay for college. She may now regret the choices she made — perhaps she took on too much student loan debt or spent more than she earned to make up for early deprivation. Those were her choices, however, and at some point she needs to take responsibility for them. Twenty years later, it's time to let go of the idea that her financial situation is her parents' fault.