Hey there, world citizens! As you may have heard, Greece is in a bad way — tossed between Scylla and Charybdis, as the Greeks would say. But then, the Greeks had a word for everything.
Look around you — everywhere, you see gifts from the Greeks: academia, architecture, democracy, the Hippocratic oath and nude Olympics.
Now it's our turn to give back. By donating on GoFundThee, you can help rescue the country that gave us Western civilization and didn't charge an obol in royalties.
The Greek national motto is "freedom or death." Lucky you — you have a lot more choices. Pick the level that's right for your drachmas. And you.
Tailored to students who dream of backpacking on Crete, or who simply pad a meager college food budget with Greek food. Here's your chance to stick it to the cabal of world bankers and save the land of Homer — you remember, the guy who wrote that book that got you the "incomplete" in 10th grade.
Especially for cooks and chefs, waiters and waitresses, and foodies everywhere. For the cost of replacing a broken piece of crockery, you can have a smashing impact on the future.
For Greek Americans who want to aggregate their support for the old country.
The debauched Russian "mad monk" Rasputin likely swilled this Greek liquor when he visited Mt. Athos, where monks first distilled it. Now it's your turn to go a little crazy for the cradle of democracy. As Socrates would say, "I'll drink to that!"
Thespians and dramaturges, this one's for you. The world's great theater began there; save the Greeks from their own last act.
Two thousand years ago, Aristophanes kept 'em rolling in the amphitheater aisles with his comic plays. Comedians, now you can keep 'em solvent! They'll thank you by laughing all the way to the bank.
My Big Fat Greek Bailout
An all-purpose donation; 1% will go to the making of a documentary about Greece's fiscal woes. (Open casting for the role of Angela Merkel.)
What better way to celebrate your gay friends' weddings, or your own, than with a gift to honor the country that exalted same-sex love?
For discerning people of means and judgment who truly want to help rebuild a better Greece, one pediment at a time.
Donald Trump, this is your one snowball-in-Hades chance to save a country in the name of the one Greek you might possibly identify with.