Laker Fans Probably Need a Time Machine

So that’s what the next two seasons will look like.

Of course, two games into the Laker season might be early to draw conclusions two seasons out. Something no one expects, like finding a Smush Parker, not only can happen, it’s guaranteed to.

This looks like the way it will be, some wins they didn’t figure to get and some losses they didn’t expect, either. They are no one’s favorite to make the playoffs. After Thursday’s loss to Phoenix, supposedly a “pivotal contest for a postseason berth,” Coach Phil Jackson came right out and admitted the Suns were better than they were.

Normally, a team would be looking at a wider range of possibilities over two seasons, but these are the limitations Jackson accepted for this season:

* No one gets a new contract lasting beyond the summer of 2007.

* No one can be acquired if he has a contract beyond 2007 unless management thinks he’s the final piece of the puzzle.

* No. 1 pick Andrew Bynum is 18 years old and may not be ready to help for two seasons.

This is according to the Lakers’ long-range plan of hoarding cap space for the summer of 2007, when they can become a player in free agency and can pursue ...

“No one,” notes an Eastern Conference personnel director.

No, this isn’t a strategy for everyone. The Lakers were eyeing Yao Ming and Amare Stoudemire, who could have been ’07 free agents, but both re-signed this summer.

Nevertheless, even if the Lakers had their hopes, this wasn’t a Yao strategy or a Stoudemire strategy. It was an ’07 strategy. Someone will be available in 2007 -- or if they hold their money for the right player, as they should, 2008. Nobody knows who it will be now.

Maybe it will be a disgruntled star who wants a fresh start and demands a trade, like Vince Carter.

Teams around the league are already eyeing Kevin Garnett, a solid citizen but one whose time in Minnesota may be passing, if it hasn’t already passed.

The Timberwolves are on a downswing and Garnett wore down trying to carry them last season. He didn’t like losing Sam Cassell, Latrell Sprewell and Coach Flip Saunders and, coincidentally or not, was a no-show at a team luncheon for local civic leaders.

“Kevin knew he was supposed to be there yesterday,” Coach Dwane Casey told the local media. “It was not a big issue. For me it’s a dead subject.... It wasn’t a thing out of defiance. It wasn’t a thing out of, ‘Oh, I’m going to show them this.’ It was a thing he didn’t make it to. No big deal.”

Garnett, in less of a hurry to explain it away, wouldn’t say what it was. A year ago, Cassell and Sprewell skipped the same function, although Casey noted, “You had two guys negotiating contracts. Kevin, last time I checked, is signed.”

Garnett, last time I checked, is a superstar and superstars get to make their own rules. If and when the time comes that he really wants out, they may have to let him out.

Whoever it is, the Lakers’ challenge is to become the destination of choice again, as opposed to the scorn they are now treated with as “Kobe Bryant’s team.”

This means rehabilitating Bryant’s image in basketball, as opposed to marketing. This means Bryant has to finally grow up. He always had poise, courage and dedication to go with his breathtaking talent; now he needs restraint.

He won’t starve if he never gets another endorsement, but it will put a serious crimp in his plans if the Lakers can’t recruit a star to play with him because everyone thinks, as his own Nike ad put it, that he’s “uncoachable ... outcast ... ball hog ... garbage ... cold

Whatever mistakes Bryant made, he had already made them by the start of last season, but with Shaquille O’Neal in Miami and Phil Jackson on his book tour, circumstances conspired to dump everything at Kobe’s doorstep.

Fortunately for Bryant, things change. Last season belonged to Shaq, who then spent the summer gaining weight and has already suffered his first injury.

A year ago, it was hard to discern Laker management’s plans from its dreams. Owner Jerry Buss thought he had Son of Showtime. Mitch Kupchak had a salary-cap strategy, but it was based on iron-handed control of their payroll and the assumption that the new bargaining agreement would raise the cap to sweeten the deal for the players (it did.) They thought Rudy Tomjanovich, a players’ coach Bryant was sure to like, would be their guy through 2009.

Now Jackson is back with his old air of calm and they’re making the hard choices, necessary to saving their cap space. Nothing is guaranteed but, at least, it’s a direction.

The underlying assumption is the one that made the Lakers great, that they had to win titles, rather than just being competitive, to keep milking their cash cow. Overcoming their ‘60s bridesmaid tradition, they succeeded the Celtics as the league’s royal family, led by three men with one idea: the grandiloquent Jack Kent Cooke, the all-in poker player Buss, and Jerry West, who served both as player and GM, for whom nothing was ever good enough.

If a future shot at a major piece means passing up merely helpful players such as Antonio Daniels, best of luck wherever he goes, even if it means three months of anguish on talk radio about point guard

Of course, there’s also the little matter of today. Laker fans were so giddy after the win at Denver on Wednesday, you thought Staples Center might levitate for the home opener until Real Life showed up wearing Suns’ uniforms and went for 122 points.

Patience is a necessary virtue for a Laker fan. Besides, think of all you get for a $2,100 courtside seat. It’s like the “Arliss” episode, when he’s stressing out trying to get Laker tickets and his secretary asks, “Don’t you have anything better to do than hang around with big shots?”

“In L.A.?” Arliss says.

Faces and Figures

That was quick: Trouble loomed when O’Neal came in at 340 (Miami officials hinted) or (way) more. Sure enough, he started slowly (30 points, 12 rebounds in two games) before spraining his right ankle, putting him out two to four weeks. The Heat had enough issues with suggestions O’Neal wants Pat Riley to replace Stan Van Gundy and Jason Williams and Antoine Walker dominating the ball that used to belong to Dwyane Wade. Now there’s the old Shaq Spiral: He’s heavy, gets hurt, can’t practice and can’t get the weight off.... On the bright side, eight of Miami’s next 11 are at home and two of the road games are at Toronto and Orlando. On the dark side pending resolution of its issues, including the question of what Shaq has left at 33, going on 40, is everything else.

Duel of the titans: Stephon Marbury, who was supposedly dying to be coached, is bristling at being yelled at by new Coach Larry Brown. Says Knick President Isiah Thomas, no longer Marbury’s protector: “With Steph, that’s the perfect question. When he’s finally got the other players and coaching around him, then you can see if he has that feel. Because right now, that’s right -- you don’t know.” ... Spur Coach Gregg Popovich, who watched Brown and Marbury as an assistant on Brown’s 2004 Olympic staff: “I think they’ll be fine because they both want the same thing and they’re kind of tied to each other now.” ... Last word from the New York Post’s Pete Vecsey: “Forget about his teammates, Stephon Marbury is having trouble making himself better.”

Think before trading jobs with a beat writer, even if they have great seats and get to meet the players in person: Miami’s Williams answered “No comment” to a string of questions about returning to Memphis from Miami reporters. When one laughed, Williams asked, “Something funny over there?” A Heat official then ended the session.... Motor-mouthed Damon Jones signed with Cleveland, announced he was the best shooter in the world, lost the starting point guard position to Eric Snow and stopped talking to the media.... It’s not too soon to panic: The 76ers started 0-3, giving up 335 points. After bringing back teammates Julius Erving, Moses Malone, Clint Richardson and Henry Bibby for Coach Mo Cheeks’ debut, they blew a seven-point lead in the last 1:10 with Cheeks neglecting to foul Milwaukee’s Michael Redd, who hit a game-tying three-pointer, and lost in overtime.

Paul Pierce on Celtic Coach Doc Rivers’ directive not to harass the referees this season: “I think we already did something about it. We didn’t re-sign Gary [Payton] and we traded ‘Toine [Walker] to Miami. There you go.”

Those darn Barrys: After San Antonio’s Brent Barry kissed Commissioner David Stern on the cheek in the opening-night ring ceremony, Houston’s Jon Barry, whose coach, Jeff Van Gundy, predicted the usual doom all preseason, took the microphone before the Rockets’ opener and told the crowd, “I hope you’re as optimistic and excited as our coach.”