Jeers all around for the Clippers

Donald T. Sterling

Sterling World Plaza

Beverly Hills, Calif. 90210

Dear Donald,

Yo, dog, chill.

I wrote as soon I heard everybody was ganging up on you again.

This time I heard you even had sportswriters telling you what to do!

Talk about prescriptions for disaster, listening to those lowlifes.

Other than me, I mean.

Don’t worry, after all we’ve been through together, we’ll beat this together!

I have to admit, I thought you’d run out of ways to embarrass yourself after 28 years of doing it.

Not that I would have been surprised to hear you were jeering your players, even if it wasn’t confirmed by Baron Davis and Chris Kaman, your faves, and you.

As you told Yahoo’s Marc Spears: “When they make shots, it’s great. When they don’t, we’re all disappointed.”

Hey, why can’t you get on players? You’ve done it to everyone else in the organization!

You and I know what it is to do everything they ask, almost, and get your heart broken annually for three decades.

Not that it shows any sign of ending, but it’s never too late.

Actually, this is simple, even not knowing the intricacies — like whether a basketball is blown up or stuffed.

All you have to do is provide leadership!

Yes, I know, it never came up in your business career, and that turned out OK.

Of course, you had to lead only yourself, as only you were capable of doing.

In basketball, other people look to you for support, financial and moral.

Remember that $17 million you saved for LeBron James last summer?

What if you had used it to sign David Lee and bring back Steve Blake?

Instead, you let Blake go, signed a couple of journeymen, banked the rest and sliced your young team’s margin of error.

If Davis didn’t regain his long-lost form and Kaman got hurt, you would be back up that famous creek — which may be renamed in your honor — without a paddle.

Sure enough, Baron hasn’t regained his form and Chris is hurt!

I know, you never wanted Baron but gave in to Mike Dunleavy, with Elton Brand saying he’d take less money to do it.

Yes, I know Mike and Elton were the cruelest disappointments of all, after the millions you gave them.

Now it’s Year 3 with Baron — meaning you’re out $30-million-plus — and he hasn’t done anything.

You had two choices:

A) Get behind him and hope for the best — because he’s the only player who can pull your kindergarten together.

B) Let him know how cruelly he has disappointed you, hoping to guilt-trip him into mending his ways!

I’d have suggested A, according to Colin Powell’s “ Pottery Barn option.”

Having already bought it, broken or not, it’s yours.

The new coach, Vinny Del Negro, is yours too.

As nice as he is, he was an unknown quantity after three seasons with the Bulls.

On one hand, management retarded his progress, losing Ben Gordon, who was dynamite with rising Derrick Rose, and breathing over Vinny’s shoulder so hotly, he and John Paxson once squared off.

On the other, Vinny wasn’t on your team’s list until Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf called you, recommending him.

If Reinsdorf is surely fond of Vinny, he also owed him $2.5 million or so, now reduced by the $1 million or so you’re paying.

Worse, with the clock is running, your young players — the best you’ve ever had — who were oblivious to tales of the bad old days, are getting a reenactment, as Brand, Lamar Odom, et al., did before them.

If this doesn’t turn around, it will end the same way: players following each other out the door like penguins going swimming.

Fall 2011 — With the usual negotiating period compressed in a hurried post-lockout startup, Eric Gordon may not be extended. At 54-137 in his two-plus seasons, he may not even take the max in the unlikely event you offer it.

Fall 2012 — Gordon becomes a widely coveted free agent. If he leaves, why would Blake Griffin sign an extension?

Summer 2013 — If Griffin hasn’t already signed an extension, he’ll be the top free agent since LeBron or Shaquille O’Neal — so you can kiss him goodbye.

In the good news, I have a plan!

We’ll forgo our usual Socratic dialogue — me asking myself questions on your behalf and answering them — for something faster that penetrates deeper...

Counter-programming!

Remember “A Clockwork Orange,” where Malcolm McDowell, the ultra-juvenile delinquent, has his eyelids fastened open, forcing him to view images that make violence repugnant?

For you, we’ll show images fostering feelings of joy, triumph and warmth from movies such as “Hoosiers,” “Space Jam,” “Love Story” and “The Godfather”!

In the meantime, I’ve got a new marketing slogan:

The exciting new Clippers — see them while they’re ours!

Let me know when you’re free for your first 30-day indoctrination, er, session.

You and me, big guy.

Mark

mark.heisler@latimes.com