Jordan Rules Weren’t on This Dean’s List

Birmingham Baron usher Lawton Dean was trying to do something nice for top prospect Joe Borchard when he retrieved a home run ball hit by Borchard.

But when the 80-year-old Dean asked for permission to give the ball to Borchard, Baron President and General Manager Tony Ensor told him it was against club rules. The ball belongs to the club, not players or employees.

When Dean declined to hand over the ball, he was fired. Former Baron executive Bill Hardekopf said rules barring employees from fraternizing with players and from retrieving baseballs was instituted in 1994 when Michael Jordan was a Baron.

So blame all this silliness on Jordan.

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Trivia time: Which pitcher started a record 22 World Series games?

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Don’t analyze it: Art Thiel of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, commenting on the dysfunctional SuperSonics sweeping four games from the NBA champion Lakers in the regular season:

“And Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, Smokey the Bear always wears jeans and Microsoft got off the hook. Some things in life just defy explanation.”

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Desperate: Looking for a gimmick to pad attendance, the double-A Jacksonville Suns hired controversial figure skater Tonya Harding to make an appearance. She threw out the first pitch and autographed 2,600 souvenir bats.

“There was excitement in the air,” Sun Manager Peter Bragan Jr. said. “Everyone seemed to be excited, but that’s what fame does to people.”

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Bulletin! Bob Kravitz in the Indianapolis Star: “According to the most recent Knight Commission on Intercollegiate Sports report, college sports have become way too big. . . . In future reports, we will learn the earth is not, in fact, flat, except in certain parts of Wyoming. . . .

“The genie is out of the bottle. College sports are a multibillion-dollar business and have little to do with academics.”

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It still hurts: Doug Sanders, who missed a three-foot putt on the 72nd hole to win the 1970 British Open and then lost an 18-hole playoff to Jack Nicklaus the next day:

“When I tell people I can go 10 minutes or so without thinking about it, I’m exaggerating--but only a little.”

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Ouch! Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Stephon Marbury is taking ballet lessons. First time in NBA history that a ‘one’ guard has become a tutu guard.”

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Come again? Kansas City Manager Tony Muser, after Royal pitcher Chad Durbin was warned for hitting a batter with a pitch: “If they smell a rat, they have to nip it in the bud.”

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Trivia answer: Whitey Ford of the New York Yankees.

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And finally: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “It’s good to be the king: Washingtonian magazine says a special ventilation system has been installed in Michael Jordan’s office in MCI Center to filter out cigar smoke.

“Jordan also has security guards drive to a nearby Krispy Kreme doughnut shop and rush them back while they’re hot.”