German Lodging Fit Him to a Tee

Officials at the Deutsche Bank-SAP Open in Hamburg, Germany, did more than roll out the red carpet for Tiger Woods.

They even built a temporary tee on the balcony of his fourth-floor hotel room so that he could hit balls onto a temporary floating green in an adjacent river, according to GolfWorld magazine.

He also received a $2.25-million appearance fee along with his check of 450,000 Euro for winning the tournament. The rich get richer.

*

Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for assists in a playoff game?

*

No time for heroes: From Sally Jenkins in the Washington Post:

“There is no such thing as a ‘courageous’ two-iron. Let’s be clear on this. There will be lots of such talk at the Kemper Open this weekend, every time some manicured character in beltless pants hits it out of the sand or over the water. But exactly how courageous is it, to hit a stationary ball, in a gated community? We talk about the game of golf, and an event as mundane as the Kemper Open, as if it is played in a flaming building.”

*

Bobble-mania: How big has the bobblehead-doll craze gotten?

“Grown men have slept outside of the Metrodome in Minneapolis to get their hands on Kent Hrbek’s bobbing head,” says Sam Donnellon of the Philadelphia Daily News, “and grown men have attempted to bribe Allen Iverson dolls from the hands of children who received the item during a limited Sixers giveaway in February.”

*

“Old” man: Golden State Warrior Coach Dave Cowens, on projections that the NBA will draft several high school players ahead of Duke senior Shane Battier:

“We’re so screwed up. We look at this and we say, ‘Well, we can’t take Battier because he has plateaued.’ Isn’t that ridiculous?”

*

Attention getter: Art Thiel of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, commenting on Mariner outfielder Ichiro Suzuki:

“Never in Seattle’s 25 years in the major leagues has there been a hitter who can get mothers to pause before fixing dinner, fathers to halt channel surfing, and ballpark patrons to scurry back from beer lines, just to witness an infield grounder.”

*

We believe you: Barry Bonds says there’s one record he won’t pursue: Hank Aaron’s 755 home runs: “I promise you from the bottom of my heart. I won’t be in the game that long. I guarantee you that I’m going to be on vacation.”

*

Bookie’s pledge: After somebody stole a “Go Spurs Go” banner that residents of a nursing home in San Antonio made for their front porch, a local flag company gave them a 36-foot replacement.

“And no one better try taking this one,” resident Elizabeth “Bookie” Hine, 88, told the San Antonio Express News. “because we’ll come out fighting.”

*

Nuke Laloosh’s mentor: Geoff Calkins of the Memphis Commercial Appeal, on the perplexing wildness problems of Rick Ankiel: “This is not a job for a pitching coach. Even a very fine pitching coach. Anyone seen Susan Sarandon?”

*

Looking back: On this day in 1959, Harvey Haddix of the Pittsburgh Pirates pitched 12 perfect innings before losing to the Milwaukee Braves, 1-0, in the 13th on an error, a sacrifice and Joe Adcock’s double.

*

Trivia answer: Magic Johnson of the Lakers had 24 against Phoenix on May 15, 1984, as did John Stockton of the Utah Jazz against the Lakers on May 17, 1988.

*

And finally: Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Tribune, commenting on brash White Sox pitcher David Wells:

“The only question is: How much can a team get for a malignant tumor these days? . . . It’s pretty simple what type of team would be good for Wells. A winning team with money to spend. A veteran team. A team immune to on-the-air-borne diseases.

“A team that will see Wells for what he is, a talented pitcher with a large appetite for self-promotion.”