THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

Chris Dufresne’s Top 25 College Rankings and Comments

No. SCHOOL (Record): Comment

1 MIAMI (3-0): Saturday’s Hurricane game against Troy State to be handled by school’s intramural department.

2 TEXAS (4-0): Coach Mack Brown hopes Oklahoma game isn’t another Mack truck.

3 FLORIDA (4-0): Made-for-HBO movie tentatively to be titled “Spurrier and the Equipment Kid.”

4 OREGON (4-0): Ducks’ AD trying to schedule home-and-home series with USC band starting in 2005.

5 NEBRASKA (5-0): School appeals to influential U.S. Congressman for clemency regarding latest arrested player.

6 OKLAHOMA (4-0): Sooners loosen up for Texas by watching slew of comedy films made by Brian Bosworth.

7 UCLA (4-0): McNown, already in South Florida, seeks rematch vs. 1998 Miami squad with this year’s Bruin defense.

8 FRESNO STATE (5-0): Whew. Five games down and only EIGHT more to go!

9 SOUTH CAROLINA (4-0): This USC has a great O-line and an offensive coordinator who thinks “Chow” means dinner time.

10 TENNESSEE (3-0): Receiver who caught 11 passes for 256 yards soaks blistered fingers in special Casey Clausen pickle brine.

11 WASHINGTON (3-0): Yep, it’s Rick Neuheisel vs. Pete Carroll in a Pac-10 battle of million-dollar coaches.

12 NORTHWESTERN (3-0): Ancient adage “better to be lucky than good” most likely applicable here.

13 MICHIGAN (3-1): Latest in a series of schools that will keep Joe Paterno from tying Bear Bryant’s record.

14 VIRGINIA TECH (4-0): Gives thanks at team prayer for playing in conference in which Rutgers can lose to Connecticut.

15 KANSAS STATE (2-1): Kudos to Bill Snyder for not comparing latest tough loss to a death in the family.

16 STANFORD (3-0): Tyrone’s team spends off week at Walden Pond to reflect on school’s greatness in grand scheme of things.

17 FLORIDA STATE (3-1): Former Seminole Burt Reynolds talks to Coach Bowden about how it felt when he dropped out of top 10.

18 BRIGHAM YOUNG (4-0): School receives strange anonymous fax from former assistant coach seeking employment opportunities.

19 CLEMSON (3-1): Victory against Georgia Tech first step on Tiger-pawed road to recovery after loss to Virginia.

20 GEORGIA TECH (3-1): You big lugs, the Bowden you needed to beat this year was Tommy, not Bobby.

21 TOLEDO (4-0): Rankman has hired outside analyst to get me a complete breakdown of coaches and players.

22 TEXAS A&M; (4-0): Aggies remember a time when a victory over Notre Dame would vault you into the top 10.

23 WASHINGTON STATE (4-0): Ex-Marine Dave Minnich’s leadership in Pullman has made this patriotic pollster stand at attention.

24 PURDUE (3-0): Blown calls in Minnesota game make Rankman wonder if Big Ten refs were drinking Boilermakers.

25 WISCONSIN (3-2): School forced to cancel annual “Fallen Arches Shoe Symposium” in light of Tuesday’s NCAA sanctions.