Getting Ben all dolled up

Reader advisory: Occasionally memos of great public interest find their way to the Los Angeles Times. This is not one of them. Instead this is an internal document we’ve uncovered on the status of the planned Ben Affleck Toy Line. Several names and all of the facts have been changed to protect the innocent. No animals were killed in the writing of this memo.

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To: Spencer Mathisson,

Senior vice president

New product development, Mattel

From: Sally Devine,

Executive vice president

BenAbo Products, A Ben Affleck Copyright company

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Dear Spencer,

Enclosed is a revised prototype of the Basic BenAbo doll for your approval. In our recent focus groups, the Ben “Neutral Expression” model received distinctly higher marks than the Ben “Sideways Grin” model.

Consumers in the target age range (8-12) and in the mature collectors’ audience (25 and older) said that the former’s more placid demeanor allowed for a richer imaginative experience. We’ve adjusted our design plans accordingly.

Also enclosed is a status update on several of the line extensions. We anticipate that the Basic BenAbo doll will be ready for a Valentine’s Day launch and additions to the line can be rolled out in March.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Sally

BenAbo Line Extensions

A. “Bennifer’s Wedding”

Mr. Affleck has asked me again to express our regrets to you about the cancellation of the wedding and the impact it has on the “Bennifer Wedding” line. His agreement with Mattel, however, explicitly indemnifies him from bearing the cost of any change in design caused by unforeseen romantic complications. However, he believes that much of the expense that has gone into re-creating the Sept. 14 wedding at Santa Barbara’s “Our Lady of Mt. Carmel” church can be salvaged by renaming the line “Bennifer’s Fantasy Wedding” and include alternate scenarios, such as “Bennifer’s Hawaiian Fantasy” or “Bennifer’s Snow Fantasy.”

Furthermore, many of the extras would be suitable for any of the venues. They include:

* Guests (the mini-Matt Damon, mini-Casey Affleck, mini-Bruce Willis, as well as a mini-versions of Ms. Lopez’s wedding planner/choreographer, stylist, hair stylist, masseuse and manicurist).

* Paparazzi, both doll versions, as well as a mini-camera truck and a mini-remote-controlled helicopter.

* Mini-plastic “ice sculptures” of Ms. Lopez and Mr. Affleck kissing, cavorting in the surf and of Mr. Affleck spanking Ms. Lopez’s behind.

* Replicas of the groomsmen’s De Grisogono watches and the bridesmaid’s pink-sapphire heart necklaces.

* Miniatures of the Affleck-Lopez fleet of cars, including a 1966 Chevelle, a green 2004 Range Rover, a silver 2004 Bentley and a black 2004 Rolls-Royce.

* Photograph frames in the shape of magazine covers, including Time, Newsweek, InStyle, People, the National Enquirer and three versions of Us Weekly.

* Mini-couture wedding dresses by Versace.

* Detachable facial hair, including goatee, one-day growth and full beard.

B. “Mystery Date with Ben”

Maurizio Diconchetti has spent many weeks perfecting this modern update of the classic game.

As you know, players compete to win the “Ben” of their choice. The five possible Bens to be won include:

* “Dude” Ben: This Ben dresses in a red sweatshirt with camouflage pants and a Mr. Goodwrench hat. He is sporting a straggly goatee and bears a rolled-up script in one hand. In micro-print on the script are the words “Good Will Hunting. Shooting script.”

* “J.F.K.” Ben: Re-creates the low-key suit that Ben wore to the People for the American Way dinner, when he was awarded the Spirit of Liberty award. Given the fantasy element of the game, we feel the addition of horned-rimmed glasses will accentuate the “intellectual” element of his character. To reinforce the connection, he will be carrying a copy of John F. Kennedy’s “Profiles in Courage.”

* “Movie Star” Ben: Features a replica of the Armani knee-length jacket, black slacks, loafers and cleanshaven look that Mr. Affleck sported when he accompanied Ms. Lopez to Paris to shoot her Louis Vuitton ads in April. (FYI: We’re in discussions with Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana about the possible designs for the “Jennifer” playing pieces.)

* “Lover” Ben: Sports the terry-cloth robe he wore in “Jenny From the Block.” He is slightly tan and looks adoring.

* “Naughty” Ben: Re-creates Affleck’s July 17 visit to Brandi’s Exotic Night Club in Vancouver, Canada. The background is black. He is wearing jeans and a brown plaid shirt and appears seated. Leaning into his lap is an unidentified woman’s leg -- clad only in fishnet stockings and a garter belt. We understand your reservations about promoting such a racy image to preteen girls, but we feel strongly that it’s best to preserve some element of reality.

C. BenAbo Doll -- The Jerry Bruckheimer Edition

While the Bennifer line targets the obvious audience of young girls, we feel there is untapped growth potential in a more male-oriented action-type figure that bears both Mr. Affleck’s and Mr. Bruckheimer’s insignia.

Unlike the Ben dolls in the basic BenAbo line, the Ben dolls in the “Bruckheimer Line” will be slightly bigger with more carefully delineated muscles, in the abdomen, arm and groin area. The basic model will come dressed in khakis and a blue Lacoste shirt. The “Armageddon” model comes with a spacesuit, and the “Pearl Harbor” model in a full Navy dress uniform. Both specialty models have attendant props, such as guns ... etc. Affleck is also slated to star as a basketball coach in “Glory Days”, a Bruckheimer inspirational sports movie, and we are working with the film’s costume designer to produce a wardrobe suitable for a mass-production doll.

Mr. Affleck has also been working recently to shore up his fan base of young men. He recently paid a holiday visit to troops in the Middle East and has been designated the Grand Marshal for this year’s Daytona 500.

We think a Daytona 500-Jerry Bruckheimer-BenAbo doll would be a great addition to the series and have taken the liberty of commissioning both a Ben Affleck-Daytona 500 Hot Wheels car and a screenplay to star Mr. Affleck and Britney Spears as a husband and wife racing team.

There are two issues that need to be resolved before we can proceed with this line:

1. Mr. Bruckheimer’s compensation. As befits his stature, Mr. Bruckheimer is demanding 7.5% of the gross as payment for using his name. This is steep, but Bruckheimer says he plans to put Mr. Affleck in a movie based on Disney theme-park ride (i.e., Space Mountain, the Movie) , which would obviously be a good product extension as well as good cross promotion with the Disney label.

2. Given Mr. Affleck’s deal to promote L’Oreal hair products abroad, all hair on all the Ben- Abo dolls must conform to L’Oreal standards of height, volume and luster. However, the more coifed look is antithetical to the rugged manliness of the Affleck-Bruckheimer collection. We have designed a series of headgear for the dolls to circumvent the L’Oreal restrictions.

One last note: It is imperative that we move quickly from conception to production on all the BenAbo line extensions. Given the ephemeral nature of celebrity, it would be best to capitalize on fan interest with all due speed.

This said, in the extremely unlikely event that Mr. Affleck’s romance with Ms. Lopez should dim, we have begun preliminary inquiries for a suitable replacement; one celebrity, in particular, has inspired great interest: Paris Hilton.