PLAY BY PLAY

PREGAME SHOW

Could they have gotten a more unathletic guy to take the “Taco Bell Million Dollar Challenge?” Alligators have better arms than that guy.... The starting lineups come out through the crowd. Just like Edge or Diamond Dallas Page. Someone tell the Fox producer that when you are stealing bits from pro wrestling, it’s time to retire.... Did you notice that when the two kids threw out the ceremonial first pitch, the boy bounced the throw while the girl threw a strike? The boy must be the son of the guy who took the “Taco Bell Million Dollar Challenge.” ... And did you see the respect the ballplayers gave Muhammad Ali? It’s nice to see that even millionaire ballplayers can still be put in awe by a legend.

FIRST INNING

* AL 6, NL 0: Tonight’s over-under on number of seconds Tim McCarver will remain silent: Three. Ichiro Suzuki led off for the AL and doubled to the right-field corner. Ivan Rodriguez tripled off the right-field wall, Ichiro scoring. Vladimir Guerrero grounded to the pitcher. Manny Ramirez homered to left. NL catcher Mike Piazza must be getting his ultimate revenge on Roger Clemens by telling the batters what pitch is coming. Alex Rodriguez struck out swinging. Jason Giambi hit a grounder to second that Jeff Kent fumbled for an error. Derek Jeter singled to right, Giambi to third. Alfonso Soriano homered to left. Is that Clemens or Hideo Nomo? Mark Mulder struck out. Six runs, five hits, one error.

* AL 6, NL 1: Edgar Renteria grounded to third. Albert Pujols hit a ground-rule double to right-center. Barry Bonds flied to center. Aren’t you supposed to walk Bonds with first base open? Scott Rolen was hit by a pitch. Sammy Sosa hit a broken-bat single to right, scoring Pujols, Rolen to second. OK, who immediately thought “Check for cork” when Sosa broke his bat? Piazza struck out swinging. One run, two hits, two left.

SECOND INNING

* AL 6, NL 1: Dan Kolb pitching. Ichiro grounded to first. Ivan Rodriguez singled to center. Fox breaks out the Yanni music, driving away any viewers left after the AL took a big lead. Guerrero flied to center. Ramirez grounded to short. No runs, one hit, one left.

* AL 6, NL 1: MasterCard has signs in left field and right field that are worth $1 million to a random person if a player should hit either during the game. The only problem: You need a sextant to find their location and an electron microscope to actually see the sign. Lance Berkman grounded to first. Jeff Kent lined to second. Barry Larkin, batting for Kolb, grounded to third. No runs, no hits.

THIRD INNING

* AL 6, NL 1: Randy Johnson pitching. Alex Rodriguez grounded to second. Fox uses “Scooter,” a talking baseball, to explain the slider to viewers. That only insulted the intelligence of 95% of the viewers. What’s next, telling us that hockey is played on a sheet of frozen water? Giambi singled to left. Jeter singled to right, Giambi stopping at second. Soriano hit a grounder just out of the reach of Renteria at short for a single, loading the bases. Ken Harvey, batting for Mulder, struck out. Ichiro grounded to first, Johnson covering and barely beating Ichiro to the bag. No runs, three hits, three left.

* AL 6, NL 1: Esteban Loaiza pitching. Renteria grounded to third, ARod making a nice play to throw him out. Pujols grounded to the pitcher. Bonds walked. Rolen singled to left, Bonds stopping at second. Sosa grounded to second. No runs, one hit, two left.

FOURTH INNING

* AL 7, NL 1: Carlos Zambrano pitching. Ivan Rodriguez hit a slow roller to short, Rolen cut in front of Renteria and made a great play to throw out Rodriguez. In a “Sounds of the Game” replay from last inning, Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi declared their love for each other. Get a room next time. Guerrero popped to first. David Oritz, batting for Ramirez, walked. Alex Rodriguez tripled to deep center, scoring Ortiz. Carl Crawford, batting for Giambi, struck out. One run, one hit, one left.

* AL 7, NL 4: Ortiz to first, Carl Crawford to left. C.C. Sabathia pitching. Piazza flied to left. Berkman flied to left. Kent singled to left. Carlos Beltran, batting for Zambrano, singled to left, Kent to second. Renteria hit a grounder just inside the third-base bag that went for a ground-rule double when a fan touched it, Kent scoring, Beltran to third. Pujols doubled off the wall in left, Beltran and Renteria scoring. Bonds popped to short. Three runs, four hits, one left.

FIFTH INNING

* AL 7, NL 4: Before the inning, there was a tribute to Roger Clemens. The ceremony featured music by Journey. Apparently, no one at Fox had an Air Supply or Men at Work CD. A confused Bud Selig, host of the ceremony, declared the game a tie. Carl Pavano pitching. Johnny Estrada at catcher. Moises Alou in left. Beltran in center. Miguel Cabrera in right. Jeter singled. Soriano stuck out. Pinch-hitter Michael Young grounded to second. Ichiro grounded to third. No runs, one hit, one left.

* AL 7, NL 4: Javier Vazquez pitching. Matt Lawton to center. Young to shortstop. Pinch-hitter Mike Lowell struck out. “Scooter” explained the sweeping curveball to us. Cabrera grounded to short, Young making a nice play behind second base. Estrada struck out, but not before Fox ran a graphic comparing Johnny Estrada with Erik Estrada. Where’s the insider’s perspective by Larry Wilcox? No runs, no hits.

SIXTH INNING

* AL 9, NL 4: Jim Thome to first. Jack Wilson to short. Lowell to third. Ivan Rodriguez flied to center. Guerrero singled to left-center. Ortiz homered to deep right. Pinch-hitter Hank Blalock grounded to second. Crawford grounded to second. Two runs, two hits, none left.

* AL 9, NL 4: Ted Lilly, whom the Dodgers traded for Carlos Perez, pitching. Ronnie Belliard to second. Victor Martinez catching. Gary Sheffield to right. Blalock to third. Alou singled to right. Pinch-hitter Mark Loretta singled to right-center, Alou to second. Beltran popped to short. Wilson flied to left. Thome struck out. No runs, two hits, two left.

SEVENTH INNING

* AL 9, NL 4: Tom Glavine pitching. Loretta to second. Lawton singled to second. Sheffield grounded into a double play. Young grounded to first. No runs, one hit, none left.

* AL 9, NL 4: Miguel Tejada to short. Joe Nathan pitching. Pinch-hitter Bobby Abreu struck out. Lowell flied to right. Cabrera struck out. No runs, no hits.

EIGHTH INNING

* AL 9, NL 4: Ben Sheets pitching. Belliard struck out. Martinez grounded to second. Tejada grounded to second. No runs, no hits.

* AL 9, NL 4: Tom Gordon pitching. Estrada hit a shot that tipped off Gordon’s glove to Belliard at second, who threw out Estrada. What, no comparison of Estrada to Robert Pine or Randi Oakes? Francisco Rodriguez pitching. Alou grounded to first, Rodriguez covering. Loretta popped to short. No runs, no hits.

NINTH INNING

* AL 9, NL 4: Eric Gagne pitching. Paul Lo Duca to catcher. Ortiz walked. Blalock popped to short. Pinch-hitter Hideki Matsui struck out. Lawton struck out. No runs, no hits, one left.

* AL 9, NL 4: Mariano Rivera pitching. McCarver says that if the NL rallies it would be “the most catastrophic comeback.” Way to keep things in perspective. Pinch-hitter Todd Helton popped to first. Wilson popped to second. Thome popped to short. The game mercifully comes to an end. No runs, no hits.

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Houston Mitchell