Kamari Cotton-Moya (Iowa State).
Chevoski Collins (Texas).
Truman Gutapfel (Boston College).
Some of these names will become very famous, almost half will fade into obscurity. Some are already famous; sons of Torii Hunter, Ray Lewis and Karl Malone all signed to play college football.
For now, they all have their moment in the TV lights — in some of the sloppiest broadcasting handoffs you've ever seen.
Hold on, hold on, Jordan Cunningham, a promising young receiver from Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., is about to address us.
The studio goes quiet. One of the studio hosts tees it up:
ESPN announcer: "Jordan, the stage is yours, young man. Tell us where you'll play college football."
Jordan: "What was that?"
Announcer: "You're on ESPNU. Tell us where you'll play college football."
Jordan: "Sorry? This is where I decide?"
Announcer: "Hey man, you do whatever you want, but deciding would be a preference."
Jordan: "I'm currently working on a 50-year career plan that begins with me as a wide receiver. I will now choose the best of both worlds academically and athletically … Vanderbilt University."
Way to go, Jordan. You nailed it.
Sure, a lot of this stuff reads like a Dan Jenkins spoof. But there are also plenty of winsome little moments, like Jordan's speech, in which he says, "Football's gonna end at some point, and you've got to have a backup plan."
After a few hours of this, I just sit back and let the whole spectacle wash over me, tracking the mountain of tweets, the insane and insaner.
"Either you ROLL with US or get ROLLED over by US," tweets Alabama recruit Derrick Henry, who humbly dubs himself King Henry.
More morphine, please.