Does His Elevator Reach Sixth Floor?

Houston owner Drayton McLane has an office on the sixth floor of a building beyond the left-field fence and across the street from the new Enron Field. A sign below McLane’s window reads “422,” the distance--in feet, we assume--to that spot from home plate.

Now, Mark McGwire could hit one off the bat handle into McLane’s chicken salad sandwich. But, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, McLane declined an offer to replace the windows with unbreakable glass.

Said McLane: “If someone is good enough to hit it up there, I want a big explosion, glass everywhere.”

If he’s so eager for that, then the Astros probably shouldn’t trade Jose Lima.

On his Mark: McGwire does a lot of things well.

As a large man with a bum back, stealing bases is not usually among them.

That’s partly because it would take a coach with Pope-like job security to send McGwire off to steal a base, thereby risking thousands in nightly ticket sales.

But McGwire is slow on the basepaths even among those with at least 500 career homers. He has 12 career steals, seven fewer than Harmon Killebrew, who’s next-to-last on the list.

“I can get him,” McGwire said with a big lumberjack grin. “This is my new goal.”

Predicted Manager Tony La Russa, who in St. Louis is in charge of such things: “It will take him eight years.”

Horace could throw: Keith Olbermann, after his mother was hit by a wild throw by Yankee second baseman Chuck Knoblauch: “She survived the entire Horace Clarke era without this happening to her.”

Go to Montreal: Joe Torre is understandably upset at the cheap shots being flung in Knoblauch’s direction. After all, there is so little fear of accurate retaliation. But his comments on the subject seem to have missed the point.

“If you throw a ball into the stands where there’s 54,000 people,” Torre explained, “you’re bound to hit someone.”

The key, then, is to aim away from the stands. Say, at the first baseman.

Or, at the very least, Torre could promise not to play Knoblauch during sellouts.

New fans: As a public service to Cub fans who have casually made their way to Chicago’s South Side, the Sun-Times published a list of suggestions.

“Don’t display a sign proclaiming, ‘I Got Lost On My Way To Wrigley Field,’ ” columnist Carol Slezak wrote, “or ‘I Survived A Night Game At Comiskey,’ or ‘Where’s My Beanie Baby?’

“Consider instead a sign proclaiming, ‘So Dis Is Major League Baseball’ or ‘I’ve Seen Da Light.’ ”

Chatter suggestion: “Hey, Where’s Albert?”

Paging Mr. Showalter: Arizona Manager Buck Showalter got a pager device that continuously runs sports scores, and now there’s no living with the guy.

“If I’m on an airplane, I’ll ask the pilot to pull down to 10,000 feet [to get into range],” he said.

We’re sure Showalter wouldn’t mind if the pilot suggested the Diamondbacks bunt more.

Just warming up? When Chuck Finley (5-5) needed 114 pitches to labor through five innings against the Chicago White Sox on Thursday, and when Cleveland lost again, there was some question as to what would last longer--Finley’s left arm or the three-year contract he signed this winter.

Finley, 37, already has thrown 103 1/3 innings. Among American League pitchers, only Mike Mussina and Brad Radke have thrown more pitches than Finley’s 1,687.

Cleveland Manager Charlie Manuel said he didn’t think Finley would burn out.

“His history dictates that he’s a warm-weather pitcher,” Manuel said. “He’s done his best pitching in the second half. I think he has to get sharp.”

Rock-em, sock-em: Major league officials found baseballs to be just within allowable limits this week.

The balls were measured by repeatedly firing them at high speeds off the forehead of John Rocker at point-blank range.

And in a related story, Rocker now says he wants to ride the No. 7 train when the Braves visit Shea Stadium on Thursday.

Mo who? Memo to Edison Field all-star voters: You are allowed to vote for more than one player per ballot.

Adam Kennedy has done a nice little job at second base for the Angels and certainly deserves his 152,384 votes. But, how is he only 3,000 votes behind Mo Vaughn, who ranks ninth among first basemen? And how is Rafael Palmeiro 70,000 votes ahead of Vaughn? Tino Martinez is 200,000 votes ahead of Vaughn and hasn’t hit in three years.