Commissioner Gretzky? Not in Wayne’s World

It is everyone’s wish, the answer to hockey prayers. He will save us. He must. He can end the lockout. He can make the game high-scoring and fun to watch again. He can bring back the good old days.

Defenseman Chris Chelios recently put in his vote for Gretzky to replace current commissioner Gary Bettman on Sporting News Radio.

“Everyone respects what Wayne says,” Chelios told James Brown. “Look what he’s doing for Canadian hockey. He has jumped in there with the international hockey and done a great job. I think he’s got a great business sense, and I think because of his experience, his history with hockey, he outweighs Gary Bettman or Bob Goodenow by a long shot.”

Many fans have said similar things before and have echoed those sentiments since. It is the dream scenario. For dreamers. Because in reality, it wouldn’t work.

Gretzky was the Great One on the ice. He is not God or a genie. Gretzky doesn’t want to be commissioner. Let’s face it; who would? And, in particular, why would he? It’s really a no-win job, and Gretzky is the ultimate winner (those seasons with the Rangers aside).

What is the upside for Gretzky taking the reins if Bettman loses his grip? Is the incentive saving the game? Didn’t he do that already, at least for Canada? He took over the national team and ended the national hand wringing.

As for the league, he helps keep it afloat every time he attends a game.

He saved it every time he took the ice, season after season. He saved it in the United States when he went from Edmonton to Los Angeles. And couldn’t he play savior again -- without becoming commissioner -- by stepping in and helping to get this lockout settled?

There’s no need for him to be commissioner. So why do the dreamers want him to be? Commissioner is a job for a lawyer. Commissioners usually are questioned, they’re often disliked, and they’re frequently seen as enemies of their games. Gretzky can’t wear that suit.

It wouldn’t fit well, anyway.

Gretzky has proved to be an astute businessman and management type in Phoenix, but commissioner is a whole different level, and it doesn’t really involve life on the ice. There would be no player analysis or development. No use for his knowledge of playing the game and what makes a good team. It would be no life.

Wayne Gretzky as NHL commissioner would face an endless string of interview requests and meet-and-greets, and he wouldn’t be able to say no.

Imagine Gretzky and Friends in the league headquarters. Mike Barnett would leave his job as Coyotes general manager and become a capable righthand man in Manhattan. A string of former teammates would fill the offices. (Can’t ignore the easy line here -- Marty McSorley as the Dean of Discipline?) It would be Edmonton East.

There would be positives. Hooking and holding finally would get called, goaltending pads would shrink, and Barnett would make visors mandatory, saving the vision of some future players.

OK, despite the good that would come of it and all of the great things Wayne Gretzky is, he is not the right man to be the commissioner. It’s a misguided prayer. And there’s one other problem with this scenario: Somebody else still has the job.