We've found the most annoying song ever, and it happens to be about fast-food Chinese food. Oh, and it's also called, you guessed it, "Chinese Food.'"
It's understandable to want to sing about a food you love. Freshly shucked oysters with a squeeze of lemon are always song-worthy, but most of us know better than to break into song. Unless you're 12-year-old Alison Gold.
Gold teamed up with producer Patrice Wilson to create the song. And if Wilson's name sounds familiar, you should remember him as the guy who produced Rebecca Black's "Friday", that ear-piercing song that took the Internet by storm in 2011.
In the "Chinese Food" video, Gold starts by singing about clubbing (at 12!), getting hungry and grumpy. She finds a Chinese restaurant called "Chinese Food" and runs inside, because after all, it's her favorite. And the worst chorus in history begins:
"I love Chinese food, you know that it's true." (Do I?)
"I love fried rice, I love noodles, I love chow mein, chow me-me-me-me-mein." (Someone should tell her that chow mein is noodles)
Gold meets a man in a panda suit who becomes her new friend. Because everyone meets pandas while sitting in a fast-food Chinese restaurant. They sing and run through the park together. In one creepy scene, he tickles her.
The panda man takes off his head to reveal it's Wilson, who starts to rap in an accent we're assuming he thinks is Chinese, about eating wonton soup and playing Monopoly with a bunch of pre-teens wearing pajamas in a bedroom. If this isn't disturbing enough, in a later scene, the girls are dressed as Japanese geishas and they dance around in a kitchen, then a bedroom with the giant panda.
And the entire thing ends with the words "fortune cookies are never wrong."
There are no words for how wrong this video is on so many levels. Do you think "Chinese Food" is just another fun music video or are the stereotypes too offensive to ignore? Let us know in the comments below.
Want more quirky food news? Follow me on Twitter: @Jenn_Harris_
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