Here’s just what baseball desperately needs: More postseason awards

I’m so dizzy, somebody lead me to my walker. I just can’t keep up. It’s a never-ending avalanche of baseball awards.

As any of my beloved analytic followers would tell you, I long for the old days. So much simpler then.

Baseball offered its Big Four -- the most valuable player, Cy Young Award, manager- and rookie-of-the-year awards -- and the Gold Gloves. It was all so nice and neat.

Only now it’s almost impossible to keep up. Everybody and his tobacco-chewing mother gives out an award. What’s baseball become, country music?

One day after the Gold Gloves, Wilson gives out defensive awards. There are Players Choice awards, GIBBYs, ESPYs, the Hank Aaron Award, the Edgar Martinez Award, Internet Baseball Writers Assn. of America awards, the Warren Spahn Award, the MLB Delivery Man of the Year, and as we learned last season, something called the Commissioner’s Historic Achievement Award.

So while we’re all light-headed, I figured, why not? It’s clearly time for the inaugural Dilbeck Baseball Awards. Overkill has always been my specialty. By next year, should have my own half-hour show on MLB Network.

Next season I’ll probably have twice as many awards to hand out. For now, all you winners just sit back and revel in your accomplishment.

The inaugural DBA winners:

Worst Color-Commentator -- Harold Reynolds. It’s not that he thinks Venezuela is an island or said “Nice piece of hitting” 6,000 times or everything he said was either obvious or confounding, it’s that he never stopped talking.

Luckiest Team in Baseball History -- Giants. I mean, come on. Three times in five years lucky. So lucky.

Manager of the Year -- Juan Uribe.

Best Sabermetrics Writer -- Me. Like some are just too obvious.

Worst Facial Hair: Brian Wilson. It looked like the Nationals’ Jayson Werth might edge out Wilson with that matching bad mane, but then Wilson brought back the beard within the beard. So clutch.

Best Reenactment of Great Baseball Moments -- Walter White.

Worst Postgame Interview: (tie) -- Erin Andrews with Hunter Pence and Erin Andrews with Madison Bumgarner. She could not be reached for comment, apparently off congratulating.

Most Unlikely Moment -- Josh Beckett throws no-hitter. Now retired.

Best Disappearing Act -- Peter O’Malley, San Diego Padres owner.

Least Bang for Your Buck -- Phillies. Estimated payroll of $180 million netted 73-89 record.

Best Bill Plaschke on Energy Drink Imitation -- The Times’ Dylan Hernandez. Did you catch his act in the Andrew Friedman news conference? Has jaws to make a crocodile envious.

Most Disappointing Team: Diamondbacks.

Best News of the Year -- Vin Scully to return in 2015.