"I got a first-pitch missed curveball up in my head, and everyone leaps up in their seat like Bruce Buffer is about to come out."
"This is in no way a reflection of my character or morals."
-—Andrew McKirahan, Atlanta Braves pitcher suspended after testing positive for a performance-enhancing drug. This is so ludicrous that McKirahan ought to make sure that whoever wrote this statement never writes a statement for him again.
"I'm sure you call in sick to your pathetic 9-5 job all the time. Or you might not even have one."
—Noah Syndergaard, New York Mets pitcher, in an ill-advised Twitter retort to a fan who called him "soft" after the Mets announced he would miss a start at triple-A Las Vegas because of a gastrointestinal issue.