If you ask Mark Dice, a conservative author-activist from San Diego, the biggest problem facing the NFL heading into Sunday's Super Bowl isn't under-inflated footballs. It's halftime performer Katy Perry, who Dice insists is a "Satanic Witch," and her affiliation with a shadow government bent on world domination.
And you thought Bill Belichick was scary.
"Call her a singing stripper," Dice says of Perry. "That's kind of my phrase. 'Singing stripper.'
"That's what she is."
Dice is convinced America is going to Hell and he believes Perry is among the people leading the country there.
"Katy Perry promotes bisexuality and appears to be some kind of Satanic Witch," says Dice, who heads a media watchdog group of which he appears to be the only member. "It's wildly irresponsible for the NFL to broadcast her into the living rooms of tens of milions of families watching the big game."
Speaking of the big game, Dice takes issue with that, too. Five years ago, he called for a boycott of the Super Bowl, saying the game has taken the public's focus away from important social issues.
But halftime shows appear to be his biggest issue now.
The 2012 and 2013 shows, starring Madonna and Beyonce, featured secret Illuminati hand signs, he said. Illuminati, Dice explained, are secret societies that manage world events through governments and corporations they control.
"As many people are aware, the past few Super Bowl halftime shows have appeared to be elaborate Illuminati rituals hidden in plain sight," Dice writes in a press release calling for Perry's removal. "With Katy Perry headlining this year it's likely that trend will continue.
"We'd like to prevent her performance from happening all together to ensure this isn't the case."
Consider yourself warned, America.