If you're planning on lounging around in a pool this summer, there's only one way to do it: on a giant, inflatable slice of pizza, on a 3-foot doughnut or bag of Warheads. Or maybe, if you're Hans Röckenwagner and his family, enormous pretzels. (Not kidding.)
Here are 10 food-inspired pool floaties you need for summer. Just don't get confused and start eating the pizza one. Just order out.
10. Doughnut float: Lounge around on a giant pink plastic doughnut with rainbow sprinkles and a “chomp-chunk” detail. Confused? In layman's terms, the “chomp-chunk” detail means that the doughnut looks like it has a bite taken out of it. This makes it look more authentic, if you don't believe you're floating on an actual doughnut. $24 at www.urbanoutfitters.com.
9. Pizza float: Yes, you’re on a bathing suit diet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t jump in the pool with a slice of pizza, or on one. This pizza floatie is made to look like it’s topped with pepperoni, mushrooms, peppers and olives. And there’s a drink cubbie so you can sip a little beer with your pizza. $32.99 at www.toysplash.com.
8. Smarties and Tootsie Roll floats: These look way better than those pool noodles. Way better. $16 each at www.urbanoutfitters.com.
7. Ice cream bar float: Splash around in the pool on a giant ice cream bar. This floatie, like the doughnut one, comes with a “chomp-chunk” detail. Because, why not? $39.99 at www.modcloth.com.
6. Pretzel float: It’s a pretzel big enough for three people. And the manufacturer says the pretzel is guaranteed to stay crisp and salty in the pool. Dousing it in mustard is not recommended. $28.99 at www.overstock.com.
5. Warhead bag float: This '90s sour candy favorite may seem like a random choice for a pool float, but we're not questioning it. Just think of how cool your yellow polka dot bikini will look on this thing. $28 at www.urbanoutfitters.com.
4. Watermelon slice float: A helicopter will be able to spot you in a pool from thousands of feet away. It also makes for a colorful Instagram photo. $38.76 at www.amazon.com.
3. Ice cream cone float: Here's how to have an ice cream party in the pool. Supply all guests with an ice cream cone and an ice cream cone float. Ta-da. Each set comes with three inflatable cones made to look like blue, pink and purple ice cream in waffle cones. $7.46 at www.amazon.com.
2. Junior Mints float: Someone decided to turn the ultimate movie theater candy into a pool float. We're glad they did. $24.99 at www.toysplash.com.
1. Burger float/beach ball: Things made to look like burgers are better than things that don't look like burgers. This is a fact. Especially when you're talking about pool floats. $34.99 at www.modcloth.com.
I own a yellow polka dot bikini, but it's not itsy bitsy. Follow me on Twitter @Jenn_Harris_