The Times’ college football rankings

The schools in this week’s rankings are solid, but don’t hold Rankman to any of the conference affiliations. By press time we could have one 120-team conference or, as the Louisiana State chancellor suggested, one league called “ESPN” and one called “Fox.” Oklahoma and Wisconsin losses last week discombobulated the top 10, and other trip-ups allowed fresh faces such as Penn State, Texas Tech, Georgia and Texas to bask in the glorious glow of a top-25 rankings system not used, endorsed, sanctioned or otherwise condoned by the AP, BCS, IRS, CIA or PETA.

1; Alabama 8-0; Cop who ticketed Saban’s car no longer allowed to carry one bullet in his shirt pocket. (1)

2; Louisiana State 8-0; Suspended players who returned to practice are happy to be back on real grass. (2)

3; Stanford 7-0; Team is 38 for 38 in the Cardinal Zone this year — 30 touchdowns, eight field goals. (4)

4; Boise State 7-0; Big East officials assure town it will be allowed to stay on Mountain Standard Time. (5)

5; Oklahoma State 7-0: Quarterback is so old, 28, he earns extra money babysitting the freshmen. (7)

6; Clemson 8-0; Game at two-loss Georgia Tech’s campus downgraded to a Tropical Dorm. (8)

7; Oregon 6-1; Only pass Coach Chip Kelly should give cornerback Cliff Harris is a bus pass. (9)

8; Oklahoma 6-1; Sooners could have used DeMarco Murray’s 253 yards rushing against Texas Tech. (3)

9; Arkansas 6-1; Itching to be tied with Texas A&M and Missouri with zero SEC championships. (10)

10; Kansas State 7-0; Snyder gave Oklahoma Coach Bob Stoops his start and now hopes to finish him off. (15)

11; Michigan State 6-1; Great equipment decision last summer not to switch to Velcro facemasks. (17)

12; Wisconsin 6-1; Badgers reject Tony La Russa’s generous offer to assist with end-of-game situations. (6)

13; Nebraska 6-1; Huskers prepare for Michigan State by practicing only between goal and one-yard line. (12)

14; Virginia Tech 7-1; Should make it 12 straight over Duke unless they switch event to basketball. (13)

15; South Carolina 6-1; Stomachs churning as tension builds toward the Citadel on Nov. 19. (14)

16; Houston 7-0; Professors protest quarterback Case Keenum rewriting all the history books. (16)

17; Texas A&M 5-2; Big 12 says might as well phone in Missouri game result to the SEC office. (20)

18: Texas Tech 5-2; Whew. Tuberville almost had to check into Riverboat Gamblers Anonymous. (NR)

19; Arizona State 5-2; Practice canceled when informed UCLA is only competition in South Division race. (21)

20; USC 6-1; Two Trojans rip Rankman for quitting at the end of this comment. (23)

21: Penn State 7-1; Stingy Nits allow unlucky opponents 13.13 points per game. (NR)

22; Michigan 6-1; Happy to report Purdue has no quarterbacks named Griese, Dawson or Brees. (22)

23; West Virginia 5-2; Big 12 rethinks invitation after chancellor signs application form with giant “X.” (11)

24; Georgia 5-2; Annual “Cocktail” game with Florida lacks a little fizz in the seltzer. (NR)

25; Texas 4-2; All it took to re-enter poll was hard work, focus and not playing. (NR)

Dropped out: Georgia Tech (18), Illinois (19), Auburn (24) and Washington (25).

Moved in: Texas Tech, Penn State, Georgia, Texas.

chris.dufresne@latimes.com