Belmont High students unleash their pain on paper
The assignment was straightforward: What is the greatest obstacle you have ever overcome, and how did you overcome it?
The results were extraordinary. Belmont High School English teacher Cassandra McGrath didn’t expect the essays and poems to be as powerful, moving and, in some cases, tragic. Her ninth- and 10th-graders wrote eloquently about the death of a beloved cousin, motherhood, self-injury, domestic violence, alcoholism, abuse. The project gave McGrath, 25, a second-year teacher, a new perspective on the kinds of challenges her students bring to school each day.
With support from her vice principal, McGrath — who along with hundreds of others has received a layoff notice from the Los Angeles Unified School District — published a book of the students’ work, “Voices Ten Feet Deep,” and gave a copy to each of the authors.
We have excerpted some of the stories below, but have not included the authors’ names because of the sensitive nature of the subject matter.
—Beth Shuster
In the rain on the bus, I remembered all the bad events that had ever happened to me: when I got molested at the age of 7, when my mom would physically and mentally torment me, how I lost a member of my family, when my mom would tell me that she never loved me, that she hated me, that she made a mistake in having me, and that she would be better off without me.
***
I couldn’t believe my eyes. The man that was standing there in front of me still had the guts to point a gun at me and say he was my father. I could hear my sisters and mom in the background, telling me to go back towards them. I couldn’t move an inch.
***
Now, I’ve realized that no matter how much you want or like someone or something, no one lasts forever, so you people that have brothers or sisters, appreciate them because you never know when they may be taken away from you. Appreciate everything you have in life, and do things you will not regret.
***
I used to cut myself because it would make me feel another kind of pain, and it let me forget about the pain I was actually going through on the inside. I use[d] to think it was the perfect solution, but it wasn’t; it just made things worse. Many of my scars have gone away, but some stay to tell me not to cut myself ever again.
***
I am going to protect my mother like she did for me when I was little.
I am going to struggle through the good and the bad to give her what she wants,
like she did.
She did a lot for me.
So I am going to do a lot for her too.
I promise, Mom
I will be the only daughter to take you to the full moon.
***
“My dad … was a good man when he wasn’t drunk or high. He was about 6 feet tall with long hair, and, at times, could be very scary. At other times, he was a very nice and loving father. My dad started drinking at the unbelievable age of 5. The first time he ever smoked was at the age of 9. By middle school, he was so addicted he started doing hardcore drugs. When my dad wasn’t on drugs, he would take my siblings and I to the park, push us on the swing and play hopscotch with us like a normal dad. When he was on drugs, it was like I had a whole different father.... He only wanted to sleep, fight and argue.
***
Sometimes when I’m alone I think of that one special person I have lost with tears in my eyes I realize how much I miss you.
Sometimes when I’m alone I look at the stars and try to picture your face in the night sky
I thank God for letting me love you so much.
***
As I was returning to the front of the house
I heard gunshots so I stayed low
Then I rushed to the front
And I saw you lying on the concrete.
It hurts because
Everything you told me and promised me were just words
Lost in the air.
Now that you are not here
Everything is harder in my life.
***
I feel so dirty and humiliated.
I feel like there is something wrong with me.
I want to wash my hands all the time.
How am I going to go on?
I feel so tired and hopeless.
Did it really happen?
Why me?
I wish I could tell them how much this means
But words can’t do it.
The best way I can thank them
Is by shining as brightly as I can.
I am thankful for each and every day
Because this life is a gift.
***
My happiness went away when I was a kid
Fear was like a shadow following me around
Wherever I went, it was like a nightmare
At night I couldn’t possibly sleep with the fear in me
No one could do anything about the situation, especially me
I could just look around and observe every action my parents did
They didn’t know the fear inside of me
This memory will never leave my mind
and will follow me everywhere I go.
***
I love you
Oh, I can’t wait till your first steps.
Seeing you makes me smile. You make me feel so happy.
Entertaining you when you are alone.
Mommy cares for you and she is finding a way out.
Anxious to hear you call me “Mom.”
***
They work hard not for themselves
But to give me a better future,
They left behind all that they had
So that I could spread my wings,
Here I have all that I need,
But they are kept inside, forbidden to fly.
***
To order a copy of “Voices Ten Feet Deep,” visit https://www.lulu.com.
