A New You, in a Flash
Maybe, accidentally, Newsweek is onto the latest techno-health kick. Did you see the cover last week? There, all smiles, about ready to burst out of prison with the end of her term, was the 63-year-old domestic diva Martha Stewart, looking surprisingly happy, buff and really quite trim. Wow, someone might say, how long a waiting list to get into that “prison”?
In fact, the magazine acknowledged, with Inmate Stewart understandably unavailable for formal photo shoots because the cover was produced well before her release Friday, the “photo illustration” was really Martha’s head plopped onto a model’s body, thanks to the amazing rejuvenating powers of digital photography.
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Depending on your ethical yardstick, magazines are either famous or notorious for photo illustrations, an inside term that basically means everything you see may not be true. Newsweek, which once intentionally darkened the skin of O.J. Simpson for a photo, apologized for any misunderstanding. But maybe there’s something good in this for the rest of us, those who don’t have inside stock deals to mislead investigators and a spare five months to spend in a federal fat farm not eating awful food while our stock price quadruples and we plan our first two post-punishment television shows. If Martha can have a digital makeover, can’t we?
Maybe this photo illustration illustrates a need for a special user-friendly digital camera. It takes regular photos of you and your family members, just like the camera you got for Christmas that still sits on the table while you read both volumes of instructions. But a special memory chip in this newfangled machine would contain a vast image archive of headless bodies -- strong, vibrant, toned bodies of either gender dressed in clothes to die for, lounging in shady surroundings full of pillars, pools and Jaguars.
Adjacent archives would hold images of children’s bodies too. Also pampered pets. Waxed cars. And homes that you couldn’t even afford to fly over, let alone live in.
With a swift click of the camera cursor, you could put anybody’s head onto anybody, just like that. Assemble a dream life, placing the new you anywhere your newly healthy heart desired. Except perhaps federal prison, which doesn’t like perimeter photos. Think of the wasted time and money this new camera would save on workouts, personal trainers and showers. Not to mention federal investigators and judges.