An Air of Expectancy Hovers Over Conflict

Question: Help. I need some advice quickly. My husband has just told me that he’s involved with another woman. He doesn’t know what he wants to do about it, and he hasn’t asked for a divorce, only that I be patient until he works it out. What he doesn’t know is that I’m pregnant. I’m afraid that if I tell him he’ll come back to me for all the wrong reasons. What should I do? I can’t keep the baby a secret much longer.

Answer: Your husband is entitled to know about the baby, and you both need to go into counseling to work out your future and find out how you let yourselves get so far apart. Because you once loved each other and are about to bring a baby into this world, you owe it to yourselves to make the effort.

Q: As a grandfather, what should I expect from my grandchildren? There are two boys and a girl, ages 9 to 14. Since their parents’ divorce I never hear from them. They live nearby, and we always had a good relationship before the divorce. My son and his ex-wife are not on good terms, but that shouldn’t have to affect me, should it? I’m a widower, and the children have always been very important to me.

A: Somebody has got to break the impasse. Don’t wait for them; pick up the phone and invite them to lunch or dinner. It may take a time or two, but once the invitation is extended and they know they can call you any time, they probably will gladly do so.

Q: My wife is estranged from her daughter by a previous marriage because the girl’s father has literally bought her with his gifts and life style. It’s easy to understand how she could be dazzled by new cars and expensive gifts, even her own apartment, but I don’t understand how she could ignore her mother. She is planning to be married in a large ceremony in May and has left her mother totally out of her plans. My wife is devastated--this is her only daughter. How can I make it easier for my wife to get through this?

A: It won’t help your wife to hear how selfish and shallow her daughter has become--she already knows that. It’s a bitter pill when one’s child is cruel and insensitive, and your wife needs love and moral support. Be there for her in whatever she decides to do about attending or participating in the wedding. It is hoped she will make decisions based on her feelings and ability to cope with her daughter in the future.