Anticipating Problems Advised to Ease Strain : Doctor Has Tips on Aging Parents’ Care

Don’t treat your elderly parents like children but help them cope with the reality of old age, advises a consultant on the mature years.

“Coping with aging parents can be difficult, but anticipating problems and having solutions ready to put into place can ease the burden,” says Dr. Robert Cadmus, clinical professor of preventive medicine at the Medical College of Wisconsin.

Aging occurs slowly and you may not even notice the signs, “but one day your parents will be old--and they’re going to need help,” Cadmus observes, pointing out some 5,000 Americans turn 65 every day and by the year 2000 it is estimated there will be more than 32 million in the senior citizen category.

“The handling of parents is an emotionally charged situation, and coping with aging parents can be difficult,” he says. “They may have to seek aid, but they’re still the parents and they’re used to being in charge.

“As the burden of responsibility changes hands, you’re bound to feel a sense of loss--and some irritation.”

To underscore how trying such situations can be, Cadmus cites a study conducted at the Brookdate Center on Aging at Hunter College on the sacrifices of caring for the aged.

“One-third of the adults involved in caring for elderly parents reported they suffered some deterioration of their own health, almost one-half developed mental tension in the form of anxiety or depression, one-fourth performed less effectively on their jobs, and one-fourth worsened their financial condition.”

Cadmus, former president of the New Jersey College of Medicine and Dentistry, is the author of “Caring for Your Aging Parents: A Concerned, Complete Guide For Children of the Elderly,” published by Prentice-Hall.

In cautioning against treating parents like children, the doctor suggests they will need help with decisions, but he advises to use tact.

“Serve as a devil’s advocate,” he says. “It will help clarify issues but will not deprive your parents of their power of decision.”

Other suggestions from Cadmus include:

--Crisis management: Arrange some system that alerts you to a crisis or emergency at your parents’ home. “One of the best solutions is to subscribe to an emergency response system, in which the elderly parent wears a small “help” button programmed to activate a console connected to the telephone.”

A press of the button and a telephone automatically calls a number where a medical service attendant supervises the computer-assisted calls to three numbers the subscriber has designated for emergencies.

--Help write a will: Besides establishing an orderly transition in the event of death, making the will sets the stage for assuming responsibility for your parents and will give you a clear picture of their financial condition.

--Transportation: At some point your parents may not be able to drive, but they’ll still need to make short trips to the doctor or to a store. If you can’t be available, make arrangements with a cab company or driving service.

--Financial assistance: Unless your parents are affluent, prepare yourself and your budget for some expenditures on their behalf. This may be in cash or kind--food, free rent, a new TV, almost anything they might need or want.