Storytellers’ Maine Thing: Keeping Accent on Humor

--Joe Perham tells of an old fellow who learned that the land he had farmed all his life was actually in New Hampshire, not Maine. The farmer was elated. “I never could have stood another one of them Maine winters,” he said. Perham, a Maine storyteller who lives in West Paris, calls that a typical example of state humor. Such tales, delivered in the Yankee drawl that New Englanders call the Down East accent, often play on tourists or old-timers. Storyteller John McDonald tells of Tukey Merrill, a “world-class direction giver.” One day, Tukey gave a few Massachusetts motorists directions to Bangor, the nearest city. A while later, they pulled back up to Tukey’s house--he had directed them in a circle. The woman in the passenger’s seat gave Tukey a tongue-lashing, but Tukey just puffed thoughtfully on his pipe. “Listen, dear,” he replied calmly, “I just wanted to make sure that you could follow directions before I wasted my time directin’ you all the way to Bangor.”

--Tom Selleck said in Honolulu that he and the National Enquirer settled his libel suit out of court. Selleck, star of CBS-TV’s “Magnum, P.I.,” sued the Enquirer over articles saying he was romantically involved with actress Victoria Principal. Selleck’s attorney and the Enquirer issued a joint statement that said: “Contrary to the article, there was no romance between Tom Selleck and Victoria Principal. In fact, Mr. Selleck had never met Victoria Principal.”

--Louise Horner advertised her husband for sale and got about 60 replies--some of them serious. So the Westminster, Md., woman ran a retraction. “I had no idea we would have any reaction like this,” she said. “I felt like Ann Landers at the end of one day.” The notice: “Husband for sale, cheap,” appeared in the Carroll County Times last week. “Comes complete with hunting and fishing equipment, one pair jeans, two shirts, boots, black Labrador retriever and 50 pounds venison. Pretty good guy, but not home much from October to December and April to October. Will consider trade.” Horner said one woman scolded her for complaining, saying her own husband was having an affair. Another woman complained that she was rearing her children alone. So Horner ran another ad: “Retraction of husband for sale, cheap. Everybody wants the dog, not the husband.”