STAGE REVIEW : ‘TWO CHICKS’ REGRETTABLY PRETTY DULL

It’s nearly impossible to gauge the effectiveness of John Ford Noonan’s short play, “A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking” by the staging on view at the Marquis Public Theater.

The two “chicks” in this production, Mary Qualls as a ritzy Westchester County (New York) housewife and Patricia Elmore as a brazen Texas newcomer, may as well be on different stages, so far do they miss any sort of sparking connection.

Qualls plays Maude Mix, a supposedly well-to-do but lonely suburbanite whose husband is off in Puerto Rico with his young secretary. The first doubts we have about this premise have to do with a baby-blue painted kitchen set (by James Johnson and Mara Tolletson), pretty enough for thrift shop chic, but nowhere near Maude’s alleged status.

Qualls gives it her best, but this role is just not her cup of tea.

Elmore tries even harder, with no better results. She has bravely undertaken the role of Hannah Mae Bindler, a sassy, pushy, presumably young and sexy Texan, even though the actress exhibits telling signs of her five-month pregnancy mentioned in the program notes.

Had director Minerva Marquis found a common ground for the two, some genuine interaction, the play might still have kept its humor. But Noonan’s script is deceptive. It may be short, a straight-line comedy about two women clashing, then bonding in sisterly alliance, but “White Chicks” demands some extraordinarily quick and subtle developments from its two cast members.

Qualls and Elmore flew through the first act--25 minutes at the most. They left no opportunity for us to absorb the relationship that we must see developing between them. So we’re still laboring under Maude’s distaste for Hannah Mae’s aggressiveness when we’re hit with the startling announcement that stuffy Maude has leaped into bed with the Texan’s oversexed husband, Carl Joe.

Nothing in Qualls or Elmore’s acting helps us to digest this tidbit. No matter. The two women have already moved ahead to a wild weekend together in New York, a lasting friendship, reconciliation between Hannah Mae and Carl Joe (never seen on stage), and Maude’s affirmation never to be without the society of friends again.

The entire recitation takes less than an hour and a half--but even that seems too long for this unfortunate production. Those involved have obvious talents; they ought to consider this venture a very educational mistake.

Far more amusing--a real surprise and joy after the first fiasco--is James McLure’s one-act, “Lone Star,” tacked on to the Marquis’ bill almost as an afterthought. It was a very good choice.

James Johnson is fascinating as Roy, a beer-swilling, disillusioned Vietnam veteran, slogging his life away in an alley behind a west Texas bar, regaling his admiring younger brother Ray (Richard Metz) with tattered war stories and drunken recollections of old buddies and good times in the back of his pink ’59 Thunderbird convertible.

Sam Gooch adds a nice contrast as the nerdish Cletis, the pitiable soul who just smashed Roy’s hallowed convertible into a galaxy of tiny pink fiberglass memories.

The three actors collide, converge and, most importantly, connect with one another in this very funny and oddly touching little drama, also directed, with much greater success, by Minerva Marquis.

As the younger brother, Metz finds a nice balance between adoration and fear of Roy. His put-on, drawly Texas manner is convincing enough to conceal a weak Texas accent.

But Johnson captures the heart. He is adorably foul-mouthed, gruff and deeply wounded as the fast-wasting veteran. The playwright lets his message slink in quietly under the humanity of the piece, and Johnson is right in sync with McLure’s subtlety.

The back alley set, bar lighting and especially the country music (all credited to Johnson, with an assist from Tolletson) provide an appropriately grungy atmosphere. It’s a nice redemption for the design team.

It’s worth watching “A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking” just to get to the guys who do more than talk. “Lone Star” pays off with enough honesty and humor to make us forget the earlier charade.

“A COUPLA WHITE CHICKS SITTING AROUND TALKING” by John Ford Noonan. Directed by Minerva Marquis. With Mary Qualls and Patricia Elmore. “LONE STAR” by James McLure. Directed by Minerva Marquis. With James Johnson, Richard Metz, Sam Gooch. Sets by James Johnson and Mara Tolletson. Lighting and sound by Johnson. Dialect coach Lois Wetzell. Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m., for an indefinite run, at the Marquis Public Theater.