This Adult Discussion Went to the Dog Fast

Judging by the introduction, Cincinnati Red owner Marge Schott probably figured she was in for trouble on “Late Night with David Letterman” earlier this week. Instead, it was Letterman who was soon having a brush with stupidity.

“My first guest tonight has her share of headaches this season,” Letterman began. “She is the chief executive officer and president of the team with the worst record in baseball. From the Cincinnati Reds, please say hello to Marge Schott.”

Schott then walked on stage with her St. Bernard, Schottzie. Letterman asked if Schottzie was pregnant.

“Uh, she was married,” Schott said.

“She was married?” he asked.

“She was married on Good Friday,” Schott said. “That’s not an ideal selection, but you can’t have it all.”

“She was married?” Letterman asked again.

“We didn’t have a priest present,” she said.

“But you did have a ceremony, a little ceremony?” Letterman asked.

“I didn’t watch the ceremony,” Schott continued. “Samson was the name of her husband. And I didn’t stay for this thing, and . . . “

“What are you talking about?” Letterman asked. “Didn’t stay for what? You didn’t stay for the wedding?”

“The wedding, uh, the mating,” Schott said. “And she didn’t exactly have a smile on her face.”

“Marge,” Letterman chided.

“This is a dog,” Schott said.

“I know,” Letterman said. “I don’t want to hear any more about your damn dog. I’m sorry I brought this whole silliness up.”

Add Schottzie: Schott gave advanced warning that her dog wouldn’t fit in well with one of Letterman’s best-known segments, Stupid Pet Tricks.

“If he thinks Schottzie is going to do a trick, he’s nuts,” Schott said. “She doesn’t do for nothing, unless he has a roast beef sandwich.”

Trivia Time: After losing two of their first five games, the New York Mets came back to become only the sixth team in National League history to win at least 20 of their first 24. Name the last team to do it.

Doug Weaver, former Kansas State football coach, didn’t seemed too upset when he was hanged in effigy on campus.

“I’m glad it happened in front of the library,” he said. “I’ve always emphasized scholarship.”

Trivia Answer: The 1977 Dodgers, like the Mets, started 20-4. The others are the 1902 Pittsburgh Pirates (20-4), the 1907 New York Giants (21-3) and Chicago Cubs (20-4) and 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers (22-2). All of the teams to win 20 of 24 at the start of a season, except the Giants, went on to win a pennant. Quotebook

Former NBA coach Butch van Breda Kolff, on why he prefers to coach on the women’s level: “Because of the timeouts--they smell better.”