USC Study Ponders Stepmother’s Plight

Stepmothers--as in wicked stepmothers--got a bad rap in fairy tales. In real life in contemporary Southern California, they don’t have it so good either. While both men and women agree that stepparenting isn’t as easy as raising their own children, being a stepmother is harder than being a stepfather, according to a new study released by USC.

Constance Ahrons, an associate professor of sociology, found that when a woman takes on a new partner’s children, she is more likely than her male counterpart to think that her stepchildren dislike her. Also, stepmothers feel they get less support from their mates in parenting matters than do stepfathers and they have more doubts about their competence and status as stepparents.

Ahrons, who is director of USC’s Marriage and Family Therapy program, looked into aspects of biological parenting and stepparenting as part of her study on the consequences of divorce and remarriage for the family.

Her data came from 98 pairs of former spouses and their current partners at one year, three years and five years after the divorce. The subjects were typical, she said, of an ordinary population of white middle-class divorced people with minor children. On average, the biological parents were in their mid-30s and had been married 11 years before they divorced. Within three years after the divorce, 58% of the women and 76% of the men were remarried or cohabiting.

Ahrons found a number of factors in women’s lack of confidence in their ability to mother someone else’s children.

An obvious factor is that since most mothers receive custody, the stepmother most often has to establish her relationship with children who are visiting rather than living with her.

A stepmother is also more likely than a stepfather to have to cope with a deteriorating relationship between her new spouse and his ex, Ahrons discovered. She found that when a father remarries, interaction with his former spouse decreases significantly, but that this is not true for divorced women who remarry. A father’s remarriage is a more stressful transition for both the former spouse and new spouse than when a divorced mother remarries, Ahrons said. “Sometimes the father’s remarriage affects his ability or willingness to assist his former wife and children financially. The former wife is more likely than the former husband to see the new spouse as a threat.”

Cultural habits including the tendency of older men to marry younger women and the differences between the roles of mothers and fathers also contribute to the difficulties of stepmothers, Ahrons found.

A smaller age difference between women and their stepchildren may contribute to women’s confusion in parenting, she said. “Stepmothers are unsure about whether they are some kind of relative, a peer or a friend to their stepchildren. Stepfathers are much more likely to see themselves as a parent or authority figure in their children’s lives.”

Also, women take family relationships more seriously. “The role of father is less central to a man’s life than the role of mother is to a woman’s,” Ahrons said. “Even career-oriented women make more time for family relationships than most men. As a result, the family may find it easier to accept two dads, but not two moms.”

Because of this greater focus on relationships, the biological mother and the stepmother tend to think about each other more than do fathers and stepfathers, she said. “Their relationships are more intense than the men’s--for good or for ill.”