. . . to Find and Use Self-Help Groups
One morning you clean your teen-age son’s room and find drugs hidden in the sock drawer. Or you learn that your husband has gambled away the family savings. Perhaps your widowed sister wants to start a new life . . . in your home.
These troubles can leave anyone feeling hopeless and alone. Private counseling is one answer, but then there’s the additional burden of cost. What to do?
Dr. Marion Jacobs, a psychologist on the UCLA faculty and co-director of the California Self-Help Center, offers this suggestion:
Stressful Problems
“When you’re coping with stressful problems, such as a serious illness, loss of a loved one, alcohol abuse, being overweight, retirement or a parent who’s growing senile, it really helps to have the support of other people who truly understand your situation.
“Even if you’re lucky enough to have friends and family who care, they can’t always help, because they may not really know what it’s like to be in your shoes. That’s where a self-help group comes in. A group of people who know exactly how you feel because they have the same problem can offer support and understanding and some good practical suggestions for how to cope. I really believe that often a self-help group provides the best available help anywhere.”
The California Self-Help Center, (800) 222-LINK (toll free throughout California; 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Monday-Friday) can put you in touch with 2,700 self-help groups. The organizations run the gamut from Parents of Murdered Children to Stutterers Anonymous and groups for those with particular diseases, even rare ones. There is no fee more than $6 per meeting but most are free.
Jacobs explains the center’s position:
“We are here to promote the appropriate use of self-help. That means a self-help group is not necessarily the right choice for every person. Some people really need much more attention than a group can afford to give them--especially in a crisis.
“So we don’t say self-help is for everybody. It’s one important choice that we want people to consider when they have serious problems. And we also want them to trust themselves. If they walk into a situation and it doesn’t suit them, we want them to consider trying another group or a professional.”
The following groups cover the more common complaints. Jacobs points out that relatives and friends of people addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling also suffer and are often in need of help. Even though the addicted people may refuse to seek help, others close to them can find support in one of many groups.
Meetings in Southland
Unless otherwise noted, you can call the numbers listed below between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. Most of the “anonymous” groups have 24-hour answering services and referrals for emergency help. Many meetings are held throughout the Southland.
Alcoholics Anonymous, (213) 387-8316, has more than 1 million people in 114 countries involved in their 12-step program. Members learn that alcoholism is not a vice but a disease. The program is spiritual, but atheists and agnostics are welcome. There are special meetings for women, men, senior citizens, gay people, deaf and physically handicapped persons, young people and even categories for certain professions and religions, but no AA group is exclusive.
For Family or Friends
Al-Anon and Alateen, (213) 387-3158, are for the family or friends of an alcoholic. Here you can learn to detach yourself from your loved one’s problems to achieve greater self-reliance and to pick up the pieces of a wrecked life. Alateen is aimed at young people (ages 12-20) and can provide help in coping with the heartache of living with an alcoholic.
Cocaine Anonymous, (213) 839-1141 (or 1142 or 1143), is one of the newer groups to follow the 12 steps originated in AA. It is open to people of all ages and backgrounds who have a sincere desire to live free of this drug. Their answering machine gives a listing of meeting times, dates and locations.
If you have a friend or loved one hooked on cocaine and can’t convince the person to seek help, there is still something you can do. Cocanon, (213) 859-2206, helps you gain the insight necessary to keep your own life in balance. You also learn how to support the person who has chosen to live without cocaine.
There are people who become compulsive about spending money, which can mean that a shopping spree can become an everyday affair. If you are buying way beyond your budget, Debtors Anonymous, (213) 271-3002, can help you organize your life and checkbook.
Emotional Health Anonymous, (818) 573-5482 or (213) 283-3574, aims to help members solve emotional problems and stay well. EHA follows the 12 steps of AA. It has about 100 groups nationally with many in Southern California. Meetings, usually of 10 to 40 members, are weekly. Callers will be given meeting times, dates and locations. One of the thoughts considered important for a member’s well being and continued improvement is: “Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once.” Families Anonymous, (818) 989-7841, offers support to parents, relatives or friends of people who use drugs. You also may join this group if the individual has other serious behavioral problems not associated with chemical dependency. FA follows the 12 steps of AA.
Gamblers Anonymous, (213) 386-8789, treats compulsive gambling as an illness and not a vice. Many men and women who have tried to stop by themselves and failed have found the strength to stop through GA fellowship. If you’re not sure whether you’re addicted to gambling, ask for their list of 20 questions, which will indicate the seriousness of your problem.
Gam-Anon, (213) 469-2751, teaches family and friends of compulsive gamblers to accept the fact that “they have to help themselves rather than try to reform the gamblers.”
Others Share Problems
Impotents Anonymous has two chapters locally. Free, self-help meetings are attended by a urologist and a sex therapist. The chapter in Long Beach, (213) 595-8351, meets once a month under direction of urologist Barton Wachs MD. In learning about their problem, both physically and in terms of the emotional repercussions, and sharing their feelings, men realize that there is help, that they are not alone and that they can seek solutions. Women whose partners are impotent or who have similar problems also attend. Dr. Arthur Dick, urologist, directs the groups that meet monthly at White Memorial Hospital. Call (213) 261-0108 for more information. Narcotics Anonymous, (818) 303-4156, is for anyone of any age who’s addicted to drugs and wants to give them up. The 33-year-old NA, which has some groups that meet as often as nightly, follows AA’s 12-step approach. Brochures are available in English, Spanish, German, French, Italian and soon in Japanese and Portuguese.
Nar-Anon, (213) 547-5800, helps the families of drug users find ways to cope by learning more about themselves. These new attitudes sometimes help members become more successful in convincing an addict to seek assistance.
If you have a weight problem that is caused by compulsive overeating, Overeaters Anonymous, (213) 542-8363, is a group where you can learn what’s really eating you. This guidance follows AA’s 12 steps.
Take Off Pounds Sensibly (TOPS), (213) 675-5669, is for people who are overweight but not necessarily food addicts. Members learn to support one another and many have lost considerable weight.
Parents Anonymous of California, (800) 352-0386, provides free group meetings with professional mental health guidance for people who have abused their children or feel that they might. Parents learn supportive ways of relating to their children as they come to understand the feelings behind their actions, share experiences and enhance their self-esteem. Dr. Abraham Low is a psychiatrist who found that patients with nervous disorders cured in hospitals came home to the same environment and got sick again. Recovery Inc., (213) 651-2170, is based on his solution to this problem.
There are all sorts of suggestions for kicking the nicotine habit, but if you’ve tried to stop smoking and failed, Smokers Anonymous, (213) 474-1161, provides a tape-machine listing of meetings and numbers.
According to Dr. Jerry Goodman, a psychologist and co-director of the California Self-Help Center, the “anonymous” groups account for only 7% of the organizations available. So, you needn’t suffer through your problems alone.