Tips: Holiday Gifts With a Special Message : The Art of Giving to All Those Suddenly Highly Visible Service People

Holly Harp, a Los Angeles dress designer, is thrilled that it’s the season for holiday tipping--that great Christmas tradition ranking somewhere between partridges in pear trees and protests over manger scenes erected on public property.

“Do I tip? I chase them down the street,” Harp said. “I want them to do a good job with my garbage and mail. I enjoy it. It’s an opportunity to be generous. Like in New York, when you get a grouchy cab driver, you give them a big tip and it makes their whole day. It’s such a little thing to do. I think you should always overdo tipping.”

Jane Dawson, a Woodland Hills housewife, is similarly taken with the joys--and rewards--of holiday generosity. She and her husband, film maker Gordon Dawson, own a large piece of property staffed by four gardeners, who weekly gather “a giant amount of stuff” for the trash. So the garbage collectors--along with the gardeners, additional household helpers, the mail carrier, the cleaner’s delivery person and several others--receive substantial tips each year.

For Being Wonderful, a Tip

“These people take good care of us. Our garbage cans aren’t tipped upside down. We never have papers or trash flying around,” Jane Dawson explained. “They deserve it. When people are rude or lousy, we don’t do anything. But when they’re wonderful, we tip well.”

Rich or poor, young or old, socialite or recluse, just about everybody has a position on the etiquette and politics of holiday tipping. Even Johnny Carson recently commented on the strange phenomena surrounding seasonal gratuities. In a monologue last week, Carson said he could tell it was Christmas--his newspaper was suddenly landing on his porch instead of on top of the water sprinkler.

Do service people, in anticipation of greater tips, sometimes improve their service or make themselves more visible during the holiday season?

David Mellon, a Pasadena mail carrier for the last 20 years, described what often happens on mail routes in December: “Some people (carriers) work it harder than others. Some really milk it, they get semi-dressed up, wear jingle bells and deliver every package. They ring the bell and say ‘Here’s your package.’ They make themselves present. There’s a higher profile at Christmastime than the rest of the year by and large.”

Mellon said he never resorted to to such tactics (“I get my tips all year in other ways--not monetarily”). But nonetheless, in recent years he has collected “an average of $400 in Christmas tips--the largest was $80 and the smallest were $2--on a middle-class route in Pasadena.”

Bagel--With Cream Cheese

This is Mellon’s first year on a new route, a commercial one, and he’s not sure what to expect. “The only thing I’ve gotten so far this year is a bagel--with cream cheese, however. Things are looking up.”

On the other side of town, Beverly Hills to be exact, things are also looking promising for the recipients of gifts and gratuities arranged through the firm of Lehr and Black, which specializes in unusual presents and party paraphernalia.

“I have a lot of customers who are buying a basket called ‘The Joy of Pigging Out,’ ” said Ellen Black, describing holiday baskets priced from $75 to $125 and filled with such delicacies as Oreo cookies, potato chips, Hershey bars, Twinkies and a book titled “The Joy of Pigging Out.” Another popular gift from the store is the Beverly Hills Trash Can, which is literally a silver-colored trash can filled with caviar, pate, Brie, Dom Perignon and crystal champagne glasses--all for $200.

“There’s more people on people’s lists this year,” she added. “I’m finding that the ladies have 15 or 20 people on their lists--sometimes one gift for each person who works on each part of their bodies. I have a person who sends a gift to the person who waxes her legs and to the person who waxes her eyebrows--they’re different people. A lot of ladies are sending one basket for, say, $250 to a salon, instead of buying people separate gifts. Or they’ll send a lucite tray with chocolates for $200.”

Who’s the firm’s most giving customer?

“The Davises (Marvin and Barbara of Denver and Beverly Hills) are our biggest customers,” she noted. “We do anywhere from 700 to 1,000 gifts for them at Christmas.”

Good Business Practice

Many business people claim they tip lavishly at Christmas--and throughout the year--both for the joy of it and because it’s good business.

“I overtip everywhere. I enjoy the thrill. Most people in my position are always looking for ways to alleviate the tax burden. Why not tip big? It’s all deductible,” reasoned Orson Mozes, owner of di Fiori, a Beverly Hills boutique specializing in shoes, leather garments and accessories.

This Christmas, Mozes estimated, his store will send out about 30 cakes that bear the words “Happy Holidays from di Fiori.” On the list of recipients are his most faithful clients, other stores that routinely refer customers to his store, the mail carriers, garbage collectors and others. But some individuals, those most crucial to his firm’s success, will receive a cake and an additional gift.

“The parking attendant (Vanord Rasperry), like he is major,” Mozes explained. “In Beverly Hills, the lots are always full. The parking attendant can add or subtract people as he deems necessary. So if I have a new employee coming on, he’ll let me add my employee to the lot instead of somebody else’s employee. This year, this guy will get a cake and a personalized agenda book with snake and zebra trim. He’s involved with me every day. He’s almost like a personal friend.

“The UPS man is also very important to any Beverly Hills business. Suppose a customer calls and says ‘I’ve got to have this right away.’ The UPS man doesn’t tell you exactly when he’s coming and if your parcel isn’t ready, he can just leave. But if he’s a nice guy and he likes you, he’ll either come back a little later or he’ll stand there and wait until you get the parcel ready.”

Bribes? Or Gratitude?

Should tips be, as originally intended, “To Insure Prompt Service”? Sort of gentle, socially acceptable bribes?

Or should they used be to show appreciation and gratitude for services already rendered--without thought of whether an extra reward might be forthcoming?

“I don’t think it’s to insure prompt service. I think it’s to thank people for serving you well,” advised Letitia Baldrige, a New York-based syndicated columnist and author of books on manners. “You’re showing your gratitude for past service and not just hoping for good service in the future. That just ruins the whole spirit of it.

“I also think it’s very nice to give a personal gift along with a tip to people who are very meaningful in your life, people such as housekeepers and baby sitters who become a part of your life. It’s not a question of money. It’s a question of thoughtfulness and showing care. Knowing their sizes, for instance, shows you’ve done some research and really care about the person.”

Baldrige feels that service people are most likely to appreciate money, as opposed to other gifts. “There’s no question about it,” she said. “Your hairdresser, your barber, your masseur--their salaries are often very low and the tips they receive are very much a part of their annual incomes.”

Personal Touch

But she suggested that cash should always be accompanied by a card and be delivered in person, if possible. “You should also write something on the Christmas card or holiday greeting card--’Thank you for being so nice to us this year.’ It’s not a mercenary element. It means a great deal to them.”

Baldrige also pointed out that tipping practices vary considerably in different regions of the country. In New York where she lives, for instance, it’s almost de rigueur for apartment dwellers to tip building employees--substantially.

“If there are 20 people on the staff, you tip every one, according to the length of their service to the building and how much they do for you individually,” she said. “It’s more expensive on the East Side than on the West Side. In a more modest apartment building, you would give $25 to the super (superintendent) and $15 each to the three or four people who work for him. In a large, fancy building, you give $75 to $100 to the super and an average of $50 each to the men working in the building.”

How different is that from Los Angeles tipping practices?

Although some people say they send their landlords and other apartment or condominium employees holiday gifts, no one interviewed by The Times mentioned anything as complex as the situation Baldridge described.

“The difference between tipping in New York and L.A. is that when your mail man delivers your Sharper Image catalogue in New York, he’s got certain items circled,” joked Peter Greenberg, vice president for development at MGM/United Artists Television and a syndicated travel columnist.

Lower Expectations

Greenberg, who grew up on New York’s Upper East Side but now lives in L.A.’s San Fernando Valley, claims that relative to the Big Apple, service workers in the Big Orange “don’t necessarily expect that much.”

He confines his holiday tips to the secretaries in his office, his cleaning lady, his pool man and his gardener. He excludes his garbage collectors and mail carriers because they’re always changing: “It’s like Russian roulette with those guys. You never get the same ones.”

And he’s relieved he no longer witnesses the madness many New Yorkers confront at tipping time. “When I was growing up,” he recalled, “this was a source of great tension in our family. My mother was always on my dad’s case to make sure we got all the tipping--the elevator man, the superintendent, the maintenance guy, the freight elevator operator and others--taken care of first, because we valued the idea of hot water and other basic services.

“The thing that was interesting was that between Thanksgiving and the 23rd of December, anything we wanted fixed we got fixed. Guys we never knew existed started saying, ‘Hey lady, you need anything done?’

“Then there came a moment of truth, between Dec. 26 and New Year’s Eve, when every tenant in the building went through this terrible period of giver’s remorse, because in that five-day period everyone was aware of the attitude of the employees of the building. We never worried about giving too much. We always worried about giving too little. Then, of course, Jan. 1 began a year of not being able to find these guys.”

Easing the Anguish

To some, there is a way to avoid--or at least reduce--the mental anguish surrounding tipping practices.

TV consumer advocate David Horowitz, for example, is particularly irritated by the fact that he never hears from his newspaper carrier all year long, then suddenly receives a card (complete with the carrier’s name and address) at Christmas time.

“I’ve even gotten cards from people where my name is misspelled,” he said. “What turns me off is when people make you feel guilty that you’re supposed to give them something.”

Horowitz also observed that he once gave a mail carrier a T-shirt promoting his syndicated television show, only to discover he may have “created resentment” among the other mail carriers on his route who didn’t get the shirt, one of whom specifically requested a shirt.

Horowitz said that his family writes “nice notes to people who serve us, and in some cases we donate to charities of our choice in their name.”

(He admitted that there’s a chance not all the recipients will be pleased with that decision but figures “that’s their choice, not ours. I think it’s a useful way to handle it. It’s just a nicer way to do it.”)

Recipients’ Views

Horowitz is hardly alone in criticizing the practice of tipping out of guilt or manipulation. Some of those on the receiving end also hate it when people tip inappropriately. “People tip for all the wrong reasons and never for the right ones. They don’t tip for service, they tip because they feel they have to,” said Chuck Pick, who owns Chuck’s Parking, a Sherman Oaks-based valet parking service frequently hired for many Hollywood and society parties.

But for whatever reason people tip, Pick would rather see his employees monetarily acknowledged than left with a mere “thank you.” And given the number of holiday parties his firm has been hired to serve, he’s had to employ 50 extra employees for the Christmas season.

“A lot of people who don’t tip wonder why they don’t get good service,” he said. “I always tell people I can’t take a thank you to Thrifty’s. We do take care of people who tip better. It does work in the parking industry. You give somebody a $5 bill and you’re going to get better service. But there’s not that many people who give $5 or $10 or $20 tips.”

(There are two valet parking clients, however, who are particularly known for big tips: actor/producer Henry Winkler and his wife Stacey. Said Pick, “My attendants like to do their parties. They’ve given $50 tips to each attendant working there.”)

Not everybody on the receiving end is quite so fortunate financially speaking.

Many people--probably the majority of tippees--receive far humbler tips and gratuities during the holiday season.

The Rev. Bobbie Jackson, a preacher and administrative assistant at Park Windsor Baptist Church in South-Central Los Angeles, typically receives “socks, cakes, books, ties, shirts, invitations to dinner, lemons, lettuce and tomatoes, greens and sometimes a $20 bill in an envelope, but nothing real heavy; usually that goes to the pastor.”

Jackson is hardly complaining. “One man’s lemon is another man’s lemonade,” he emphasized. “I take whatever’s bitter and make it sweet. These things make me feel really grateful. They increase my attitude of gratitude.

“It’s a blessing because people don’t have to be nice to you. These things can be a motivator or they can be a head sweller. If you allow them to, they (tips) will teach you to give, too.”