Conclusions About Living Life Alone

After my husband’s decease, and my children’s severance from the silver cord, I was left alone. There wasn’t anyone I wanted to live with. Friends of mine needed companions--I didn’t. My children lived not far away; we were in contact frequently.

Should I stay in the large family home, or move to an apartment or condo? I voted myself to stay put, and see what would happen as the months went by. That was many years ago.

During the years, I had ample time to think about being alone. I came up with some interesting conclusions. We come into this world alone , we actually, all of us, are alone through life (you can be alone surrounded by people, crowds), and we have to leave this wonderful planet alone--no one can go with us. This is my conclusion--nobody has to agree.

Being alone is very tricky. I have choices--free will. Every morning I have a choice what to do--how to spend these precious hours. For many years, raising children, cooking, helping a husband, I was never alone, so I didn’t pay much attention to this very important part of me.

It seemed to me that all truly creative activity (way down deep) comes from getting familiar with oneself. This excludes other people and other interests.

I had to realize this, after many years of trial and error. The dry, unproductive spots of the day had to be filled with something besides TV, social engagements, even my garden, which I loved dearly.

I still have much changing to do. Step by small step, I try to change a lifelong pattern of incorrect (for me) living. I have lived in Los Angeles all my life (only moved once, from the family home near USC and my present abode, after marriage). What is helping me, strangely, is the almost inconceivable change in the city. Years ago, we went to concerts by great artists. I remember Chaliapin, that wonderful person, singing with Helen Keller’s hand touching the side of his mouth! Oh, it was superb.

I remember more leisurely living growing up. I remember almost no crime--our doors and windows were left open without fear. Oh, Los Angeles has changed. If I want to go along with it and stay here, I must change--I must watch when I market that my purse isn’t stolen; I must almost barricade my home. These freeway speeds are unbelievable. (I call the freeway “Suicide Speedway!”)

I have to change my pattern of living--I have to enjoy the money I have, without scrambling around for more. I like to think I can stay right here, live alone, have more fun and joy out of simple things that thrill me. I don’t have to follow anyone because I travel on my own, happily.

LOIS ARENZ BERND

Los Angeles