Commentary : Pope and the Angels--a Natural

When foreign celebrities come to visit--and I don’t mean pipsqueaks like Joan Collins or Boy George, but real heavy hitters, like Khrushchev--they are thrust into an immediate official whirlwind of reception lines, state dinners, testimonials, dam dedications, command performances and tree plantings.

They sip California wine, sleep in the Lincoln bedroom, then go home with armloads of symbolic gifts and a ferocious case of jet lag. And for the next few years, they likely carry with them a memory of America that looks and feels like one long, painful handshake broken up by limo rides.

They seldom get to have any fun.

Consequently, who among us hasn’t had the delicious little fantasy that one day, the powers that be would turn over a big-shot visiting celeb to us with the words, “Here’s a few hundred thou . . . You know your way around here pretty well. Take ‘em out and show ‘em the good stuff.”

That’s the way I think it ought to be handled when the Pope shows up. He works hard, he deserves a break, and let’s face it, he probably wants to go to Disneyland every bit as much as Khrushchev did. But, unfortunately, when you’re in the Supreme Pontiff business, most people want to take up your time kissing your ring and steering you from one bouquet of flowers to the next.

Me, I’d sort of like to take the Pope to an Angel game. It’d be a natural. He’ll already have a pretty good idea of what a big league ballpark is like after he celebrates Mass at Dodger Stadium. Plus, after handling several bleachers full of communicants, he’ll likely be pooped--he’ll be ready for a little “R-and-R.”

That’s when I’d like to fix him up with a cap with a gold halo on it (Note the subtle tie-in); a good supple mitt, and, maybe, a bright green-and-orange Acapulco shirt (with pictures of missions or saints among the parrots and palm trees, so nobody can accuse him of being tooooo secular).

Then we substitute the limo full of politicos with a busload of reverent, yet hard-core, Angel fans and we head for Anaheim, singing baseball hymns like “Me Afferte ad Lusionem Pilarem” (That’s “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” Latin-style.)

It would be the Pope’s day to put on the Ray-Bans and relax. Instead of rooting for traditional Vatican favorites Gabriel and Michael, he could pull for angels with more novel names like Devon and Wall-ee.

Once installed in the seat of honor behind the home dugout, John Paul II might want to compare kneeling techniques with Angels catcher Bob Boone before throwing out the first ball. Or he might wander back to the concession stand, where the workers will have been forewarned and will be able to cheerfully serve up a quick order of loaves and fishes, or perhaps a hot kielbasa or two. We want him to feel at home, right?

Not that Angels owner Gene Autry won’t want to make a little hay out of it with a few modifications in stadium procedure. After the message board flashes a tip of the Angel halo to the South Fullerton Little League, the next item up might be:

“A big tip of the Angel miter to Pope John Paul II, visiting us today from the Holy See. Howdy, Holiness!”

The pontiff would be a natural participant in The Wave, what with all the practice he’s had standing and sitting, standing and sitting through those thousands of Masses.

And could the stealing of signs and bases be accomplished with less guilt than when papal absolution is only a few seats away? A bad call at the plate, though, might cause a bit of confusion in the dugout if the Pope’s robust voice began chanting “Forgive the umpire!”

Still, a day at the ballpark among the Angels, surrounded by the heavenly host of the American League West and a few thousand of the faithful who couldn’t make it to Mass at Chavez Ravine, would be a great pick-me-up for a man who had to give up outdoor sports like hiking and skiing the day he stepped into the Shoes of the Fisherman.

So what if, doctrinally, he’s sort of a hard-liner? So was Leo Durocher. Basically, he seems like a fun guy.

And if he really likes it, the St. Louis Cardinals and the San Diego Padres can have him on the next trip.