Grief Cards Combat Lonely Death : Greetings to Terminally Ill May Grace Their Final Days

The last thing they want in their final days are greeting cards urging them to “get well soon.”

“In the 10 years that I’ve been working with the dying, I’ve seen all the reactions to the cards,” said Donalyn Gross, a counselor for the terminally ill.

“They ask, ‘I’m dying, why do they send me get-well cards and cards that say ‘Come back to the office soon?’ ”

“People don’t know how to deal with death,” she said.

So Gross, who also counsels the families of the terminally ill, designed “grief cards” for some of her clients. Last year she decided to market the cards, settling on 22 phrases printed on black and white cards.

“Your body may be failing you, but your spirit will go on forever,” reads one.

“Soon you’ll be with God,” says another. “Will you come back and tell me what She’s like?”

“They’re not for everyone,” Gross says. She said that 15 stores around the country, as well as a few hospices, hospital gift shops and funeral homes, are carrying the grief cards.

Message to Loved Ones

She also decided to create cards that the terminally ill could send to their loved ones.

One of those cards reads, “Dear Family: We’ve had beautiful times together. Thank you for putting up with my shortcomings. Thank you for my support. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your love and thank you for giving me life.”

In May, Gross, 37, took her cards to the National Stationery Show in New York and has contacted a few large card firms, but so far her concept has not spread.

“They want things that are going to appeal to the masses,” she said of the big card companies. “I guess I’m in a difficult field. People aren’t waiting to accept death.”

Gross said most of the people she works with “are in the last stages. I’ve never had a patient for longer than four weeks.

“But I can’t see myself doing anything else. Even if I don’t do that much, just sitting with that person makes me feel better. I love it.”

She has taken a particular interest in cancer and AIDS patients.

A card for those with cancer says: “Cancer has the power to destroy the body, but not the love I have for you.”

“It’s weird. With AIDS patients nobody wants to touch them and nobody wants to visit them. And it took a real long time for people to get it into their heads that cancer is not contagious,” Gross said. “The idea of somebody dying alone is just repulsive to me.”