Support Grows Among Clergy for ‘Weddings’ of Gay Couples

Church weddings or ceremonial “blessings” for homosexual couples--so far only conducted quietly by small numbers of liberal pastors--have gained some limited but surprising support recently in mainstream religious circles.

In Los Angeles, at least several Protestant clergy and one rabbi perform rites akin to weddings.

Moreover, a resolution before the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts to develop a liturgy to bless gay couples was approved by clergy delegates, 114 to 79, at the diocese’s mid-November convention, but the lay delegates opposed the resolution, 140 to 82, thus killing the measure. The proposal called for a “blessing,” not a wedding rite.

“Christian love challenges us to support gay and lesbian couples in relationships upholding the Christian model of commitment and love, to assist these couples in living healthy and holy lives,” said the resolution, submitted by a Boston congregation that includes a ministry to homosexuals.

The resolution echoes the notion among some liberal clergy of various denominations that religious congregations should be open to serving all people.

And with sexual promiscuity in the homosexual community identified as a contributing factor to the spread of AIDS, some clergy have found an additional argument for churches to encourage stable relationships, even when they run square against religious tradition.

Biblical passages and social views that disparage or condemn homosexual activity have kept even the most progressive denominations from officially condoning same-sex behavior. The Episcopal resolution cited the most common rebuttal: that Jesus himself apparently did not condemn homosexual behavior and that prohibitions elsewhere in the Bible were shaped by social conditions of those periods and were not timeless truths.

However, the 9-million-member United Methodist Church declares in its Book of Discipline that homosexual activity is “incompatible with Christian teaching”--a statement crucial to its long battle to prohibit the Methodist ordination of “self-avowed practicing homosexuals.” Other mainstream denominations have also fought over the issue in the last decade, usually barring the doors.

Only very recently has the issue of blessing or marrying same-sex couples arisen in public forums.

An ethics professor speaking last month at a United Methodist-sponsored conference on the AIDS crisis asked whether churches ought to bless homosexual unions in recognition that promiscuous sexual activity presents medical risks.

“If the church understood and accepted gay marriage,” said Karen Lebacqz of the Pacific School of Religion at Berkeley, “is it not possible that it would at least do something to stop contributing to the promiscuity that exists within the gay community, . . . in at least some segments of it, and would, therefore, stop contributing to the spread of AIDS?”

Lebacqz, a professor of Christian ethics at the interdenominational seminary, spoke Nov. 13 at the national conference in San Francisco.

Some theologians have described Christian marriage as the covenant or commitment of two people before God--regardless of whether legal steps are taken, Lebacqz said in summarizing her address.

“By extension, I argued, that includes gay and lesbian couples,” Lebacqz said in an interview. “The question then is, Will the church honor those couples and develop ceremonies to recognize those commitments?”

The homosexual-run Metropolitan Community Churches, begun nearly two decades ago in Huntington Park, now performs “holy union” ceremonies for about 1,500 couples yearly at its 250 churches around the country, according to the Rev. Troy Perry, the founder-president whose denominational offices are in Hollywood.

“Our attitude is that we bless buildings and other things, and we also bless relationships,” Perry said. “They are public statements to their friends and their church that they have entered into a loving relationship with each other. We won’t perform one of these ceremonies without having them go through counseling to be sure they are committed to one another.”

Because laws do not recognize homosexual marriages, the “unions” have a certain fragility. But Perry said that church rules prohibit a pastor from performing a second “holy union” rite for anyone who has not had the first partnership “dissolved” by the same church that granted it.

The 194-year-old Unitarian Universalist Assn., a liberal denomination that prides itself on humanist values and often non-theistic beliefs, approved a resolution at its 1984 General Assembly giving support to clergy who perform weddings for homosexual couples.

“Not all of our churches or all of our clergy do them, by a long shot,” said Unitarian minister Bob Wheatly, who for nine years directed the Office of Lesbian and Gay Concerns for the Boston denomination. “I’ve done about 100 of them over the last five to 10 years,” Wheatly said. He said that he usually calls them “Services of Holy Union” in public to avoid confusion with the term marriage, which implies a legal status.

At the First Unitarian Church of Los Angeles, long known for social activist and unconventional stances, the Rev. Philip Zwerling said he has conducted a half-dozen ceremonies for couples of the same sex. The minister said he tries not to distinguish between homosexual and heterosexual requests for marriages.

For mainstream Christian churches, however, the question is a touchier one.

No Catholic Rites

No Catholic priests in the large Los Angeles archdiocese are known to be performing such rites, said Father Brad Dusak, who heads a year-old “pastoral ministry to persons with AIDS and to the lesbian and gay community.” Dusak also said there was unlikely to be any change because of the Roman Catholic Church’s declarations that homosexual behavior is immoral.

Nevertheless, some clergy believe they have the latitude to conduct such ceremonies.

The Rev. James Conn, pastor of an avant-garde Methodist congregation and the mayor of Santa Monica, said he has and he will again:

“The Gospel as I understand it is about the quality of the relationship, whether it is a homosexual or heterosexual one. The question is: Is it loving, and can these people encourage each other to grow as human beings?”

Reinforce Patterns

Conn maintained that as long as the dominant culture, including the church, is condemning rather than accepting homosexuals, “we only reinforce such patterns in the homosexual community as promiscuity, as acted-out rebellion.”

The pastor is now in his 15th year with the congregation and his sixth as an elected city official. Conn said that the Church in Ocean Park, as intended, reflects the community it is in and has the backing of regional Methodist officials.

Conn said that “celebrations” of homosexual unions may have some stabilizing impact on the homosexual subculture and secondarily on the spread of AIDS.

At the same time, another Methodist pastor, the Rev. Ignacio Castuera of Hollywood, noted that Conn’s church performs such ceremonies as a part of openly welcoming homosexuals to be part of the congregation. Without that context, the offer of “gay weddings” by Christian churches would appear to be “patronizing,” Castuera said.

Fear of AIDS

“I hope we don’t back into blessing gay marriages out of a fear of AIDS,” Castuera said. “Fear-based morality is a primitive morality, such as when we obeyed our parents for fear of a spanking,” he said. “True morality is based on a concern for others.”

Pastor of Hollywood First Methodist Church and a former Los Angeles district superintendent, Castuera said: “I think we are under moral obligation to respond positively” to homosexual marriage requests. He said he knows of several ministers who do perform them, despite their denomination’s official position against them, “though I am not free to say who they are.”

Rabbi Janet Marder said she has officiated at about 15 “affirmations” in nearly five years at Beth Chayim Chadashim, a homosexual-oriented temple in the Fairfax area of Los Angeles. “They are solemn vows--an opportunity for a couple, which must have been together at least six months, to declare their commitment publicly and receive support from the community,” she said.

The congregation is affiliated with Reform Judaism’s Union of American Hebrew Congregations. Marder said the practice has not been kept quiet, and she said that some fellow rabbis have told her they would be willing to officiate at similar services. “I don’t know if they have, however,” Marder said.

More Females Than Males

So far, Marder said, more females than males have requested them. The service resembles the standard wedding rite in Reform Judaism with the notable exception that partners do not say, “I give you this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

At West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, a congregation with a mission that includes ministry to homosexuals, former minister Chris Glaser said he conducted “celebrations of love and commitment” for couples who requested them. “There certainly is more coupling going on,” said Glaser, who left his church position about a year ago.

At St. Augustine’s by-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Santa Monica, “we bless lesbian and gay unions,” said the Rev. Fred Fenton, the parish’s rector. “In my experience, they come to us because of our known liberal position on social issues.”

The rites are conducted by the Rev. Malcolm Boyd, an author and priest in residence who has written about his own homosexuality. He has been united for three years with Mark Thompson, also an author and the associate editor of the Advocate, a national gay news weekly.

Have the Same Crises

“I live in a relationship with another man,” Boyd said in an interview. “I realize that a number of people look at that as something shallow. But it’s very committed. We have our home. Sometimes it’s more difficult for us, I think, because we don’t have societal support and yet we have the same crises.

“The church is supposed to be healing and loving, and not in a sentimental way. Yet it is inflicting rejection, and it adds quite a bit to the problem. Many gay and lesbian people have left the church for Buddhism or New Age religion. Some church people feel it’s OK for gay and lesbian people to be in church as long as they are celibate. But the human being is a sexual being; very few people have other ways to channel that,” Boyd said.

Fenton said he was encouraged by the clergy vote in the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts favoring liturgical blessings for homosexual unions.

He also praised efforts by Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong of Newark, N.J., to seek approval for church blessings to both cohabiting heterosexual couples and homosexual couples.

Affirm Tradition

At the same time, the Episcopal Church at the national level has continued to affirm the Christian tradition that sexual intimacy is appropriately expressed only within the life-long commitment in marriage by two persons of the opposite sex. The House of Bishops last year cautioned that “neither clergy nor laity of this church should encourage any attempt to legitimize any sexual behavior” other than the traditional norm.

But a report on sexuality to the House of Bishops last October admitted that the problem is complex at a time when sexual relationships are at wide variance from church teachings. “How can we teach these principles . . . without a tedious moralizing?” the commission report asked.