Home Puts New Life Into Responsibility

It’s a place they can call home--at least for now. It’s a four-bedroom, two-bath house in uptown San Diego where the young women residents share the responsibilities of everyday life. But these college-age roommates share more than just household chores; they also share the bond of motherhood.

The Maple House, provided by Catholic Community Services, is the only unsupervised home for unwed pregnant women in San Diego County, although there are three other homes with 24-hour supervision.

The house offers a haven to the women during a time that often brings feelings of isolation and despair. And although most of the women stay in the home only three or four months, they say that in that time they gain emotional support from one another and learn to live self-sufficiently.

Treated Like Adults

Sister Barbara Welliver, director of CCS’ adoption agency and its program for single pregnant women, is the founder of the 17-year-old resident home service. She said the goal behind the unsupervised home is to provide the women with a place to live where they can develop responsibility and independence during their pregnancy.

“Most of the women come to me five months into their pregnancy,” Welliver said. “Although the resident program is set up to help these women, we don’t hover over them; they’re adults and we treat them that way.

“We encourage them to either work or go to school and try to prepare them for what it’s going to be like when they leave,” she said.

Each woman pays $100 a month for rent and is responsible for her food and personal expenses. She can move into the home as soon as she finds out she’s pregnant, and can remain until her baby is a month old. A counselor at the home, which houses up to eight women, works with them to prepare them for life outside.

Keeps in Touch

Welliver said she still hears from about 65% of the 485 women who have lived at the home.

“I get phone calls, letters, cards, graduation and marriage notices all the time,” she said. “Most of the girls seem to be doing pretty good. A lot of them have gotten involved in social work and nursing.”

Brenda Florell, 22, lived at the Maple House and went on to earn a degree in social work.

She was a junior in college when she found out she was pregnant. With support from her family and the unborn baby’s father, she decided to place her baby up for adoption. Five months into her pregnancy, she flew to San Diego from her hometown of Mankato, Minn.

Ashamed at First

“I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant and that I was going to place my baby up for adoption,” Florell said. “At first I was so ashamed of myself. But once I got to the Maple House and made friends with the other girls, I started relaxing.

“I met my best friend in the whole world there,” she said. “Since both of us were planning to have our babies adopted, we made it a good experience by taking our pregnancies very seriously. We learned to take responsibility for our own lives and our unborn.”

Florell went through with the adoption and then returned to Mankato to finish school. She kept in touch with Welliver, who hired her to return to San Diego as a pregnancy counselor for CCS after her graduation.

Florell visits the house once a week to discuss prenatal care, adoption, single-parenting skills and the services available to the women, such as welfare, Medi-Cal, academic education and job training.

For many of the women, the Maple House is their only refuge.

Connie, 22, is a recovered drug addict now in her seventh month of pregnancy. Two months ago, she left her parents’ home and sought help at a center for unplanned pregnancies. She was referred to CCS and the Maple House, which was full at the time. Her alternative was to move in with a woman living in Oceanside.

“The lady I stayed with was nice at first, but as time passed she started getting bossy,” Connie said. “I felt like a maid because I was cleaning most of the time. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I kept hoping and praying that a bed would open up at the house.”

Within a week one did, and Connie moved in.

“I feel much more relaxed here,” she said. “It’s nice to know that there is someone to talk to who is in a similar situation. When I feel lonely or depressed, I talk to the other girls, and they’re always supportive.”

Going Back to School

Connie plans to return to school, where she is working to become a nurse’s assistant.

Jill, 20, unable to find her baby’s father, left her parents’ Escondido home. She moved into the Maple House in early January, three months pregnant.

“It was too uncomfortable for me to stay with my parents,” she said. “It was basically my dad’s decision. To him, being unwed and pregnant is just taboo.

“Now he accepts that I’m pregnant, but he hasn’t accepted that I want to keep the baby,” she said. “I’m hoping he’ll come around once the baby is born. I don’t blame him for his feelings. This is something I got myself into, and it’s my responsibility to help myself the most I can.”