Socrates, Plato and . . . Larry?

Larry Andersen, relief pitcher for the Houston Astros, is a deep thinker who has been called baseball’s top amateur philosopher. The Houston Chronicle also calls him the team’s designated non-conformist.

“He’s pondering questions Plato and Socrates couldn’t possibly have considered,” according to the Chronicle. A sampling:

--”Why does sour cream have an expiration date?”

--”What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?”

--”How can you tell when you’re running out of invisible ink?”

--”How come fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?”

--”Was Robin Hood’s mother known as Mother Hood?”

His motto is, “You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.”

Finally, he wears a T-shirt that says, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.”

From Tim Kurkjian of the Baltimore Sun: “After being sent to Class AAA Omaha by the Kansas City Royals, Scotti Madison was hit in the face by a ground ball. He was semi-conscious when the trainer asked him ‘Scotti, do you know where you are?’ Scotti said ‘I know I’m not in the big leagues.’ ”

That recalls Willie Pastrano’s answer to the same question after being knocked down by Jose Torres in a light-heavyweight title fight: “You’re damn right I know where I am. I’m in Madison Square Garden getting beaten up.”

Trivia Time: Who is the oldest manager in the major leagues? (Answer below.)

Said Cincinnati Reds’ owner Marge Schott Friday, when asked about the possibility of trading Eric Davis and Kal Daniels: “‘That’s all we need, for them to go somewhere else and start hitting like Dave Parker or my little sweetheart, Kurt Stillwell.”

On Saturday, Stillwell had a homer, two doubles and a single as Kansas City beat the Angels, 7-0.

Add Reds: Said Pete Rose after serving his 30-day suspension: “I was at every park every day, saw every pitch and made out every lineup card. The only difference is that I carried binoculars and found out which press boxes serve the best cheeseburgers.”

Said Dwight Gooden, when asked his next goal: “Either a no-hitter or a grand slam.”

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: From the Boston Globe: “When minor league pitcher Sherman Corbett got to spring camp with the Angels in 1987, he found a customized uniform with a low number (23) and his name on the back. He was pretty impressed until he tried it on and realized they’d tried to save pennies by giving him Doug Corbett’s old uniform. Doug Corbett is 6-1 and 195. Sherman Corbett is 6-4 and 210. Bad fit.”

Said Mychal Thompson of the Lakers, when told that John Salley of Detroit has suddenly become more quotable than he is: “He’s got an edge on me. He’s younger and has a quicker mind. But it’s nice to have someone else who’s articulate. It shows that basketball players are the smartest athletes around.”

Trivia Answer: Tom Lasorda. He and Billy Martin both are 60, but Lasorda is eight months older.

Quotebook

Jack Clark of the New York Yankees, asked who throws harder, Roger Clemens or Dwight Gooden: “No one throws harder than Nolan Ryan.”