The New Age of Celebrity Magazines : Gossip, Smut and Sex Went Out With the Exclamation Points
I am sitting in a saloon one night, reading a magazine called Spy and listening to yuppies say “Amstel Light, please.” I turn the page and see an ad that plumb knocks my derby off. . . .
It reprints what looks like a story from the old Hollywood Confidential. That was a fine magazine that offered a little gossip, a smattering of smut and a dose of sex. Also ads that said:
BIG DOUGH IN HYDRAULICS REPAIR! WRITE NOW FOR FREE BROCHURE!
The headline of the reprinted story says:
It could only happen in Hollywood ... when LANA TURNER shared a lover with AVA GARDNER!
By neddies, I think, those were the days. You saw a headline with an exclamation mark, you knew your next stop was the happy republic of Salacious.
Hello, what’s this?
DEFINITELY NOT FOR US.
That’s what the advertisement says next.
The stock-in-trade of entertainment magazines has always been a little gossip, a smattering of smut and a dose of sex . Historically, they have not been the repository of American haute culture.
This rather questionable genre of magazine is definitely not US.
I consult with Irish Mike, the bar keep. He explains that American haute culture is a French phrase. It means Madonna.
He further explains that US is a magazine owned by Jann Wenner, the guy who owns Rolling Stone. What, I ask, is Rolling Stone?
“It is a counterculture publication,” Irish Mike explains. “It writes about Brian Wilson and has BMW ads.”
“And US magazine?”
“Sort of like People magazine, only not written by Yalies.”
Irish Mike pours me a another Old Frothingslosh. I read on. One sentence in the ad--by now I realize the ad is for US magazine--leaps out:
We don’t spread rumors, we don’t deal in sexual innuendo.
“Godfrey Daniel!” I cry. I back up a few lines.
Oh, we deal with entertainers, all right. But in a very different fashion. We talk to them. We listen to them. We get to understand them.
What they are not as stars, but as fellow human beings.
Irish Mike, reading over my shoulder, frowns. “That sentence doesn’t make sense, the one that goes ‘What they are not as stars. . . .’ ”
“No big thing,” I say. “This is cutting-edge advertising for cutting-edge journalism. Imagine, an entertainment magazine with no rumors, no sexual innuendo, and stars as . . . fellow ... human ... beings. “
“Geez,” says Irish Mike, “I never seen a guy speak in italics before.”
Well, I secure a copy of US to see what is what here. Page 8, a collection of celebrity quotes, leads with Susan Sarandon saying: “My breasts are overrated.”
Bingo. If that isn’t sexual innuendo, neighbors, I will do a fan dance at high noon at the Polo Lounge.
Unfortunately, US quickly redeems itself from there on in.
In FACES & PLACES, there is a photo of a young couple. The caption says: NOT ON THE ROCKS. The copy says: “Scotching talk of a split, Jonathan Prince visited Emma Samms while she filmed ‘Dangerous Love’ in London.”
I am cheered that US didn’t get into the specifics of split about which talk was scotched. But who, I keep asking, are Jonathan Prince and Emma Samms?
On to the cover story, which begins: “ ‘I’m not a real driven person,’ Jeff Bridges says of his acting career.”
A page later, the nitty-gritty:
“Hit him with the right question--say, the conflict between being a screen hunk and a devoted homesteader--and Bridges’ reluctance to reveal himself gives way to an aroused defense of home and fidelity.”
Aw, foo.
This humanistic approach to celeb journalism is a relatively new trend, says my pal Jean-Claude Je Suis Fatigue, who has been writing about celebrities, particularly vague ones, since 1987.
“It was bound to happen,” he says. “On TV, in the magazines, you keep reading about their sex lives, rumors of their drug use, who they’re seeing, who they’re not seeing, their latest movie or TV show, about this, about that. . . . It is so lame, no?
“So maybe this new thing, no rumor, no scandal, will sell. It certainly is a novel approach. But I don’t think it will.”
It should be noted that my pal Jean Claude has more than a passing interest in the matter. Next month, he will start a new job as editor of a new publication that also reports on celebrities.
There is hope. The new publication is called Jaded. And it bills itself as “the magazine for people who just don’t care anymore.”