SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA JOB MARKET : CHALLENGES OF THE WORKING LIFE : ON THE JOB : DEALING WITH BAD BOSSES : Instead of Just Complaining . . . Consider a Sting Operation, Being More Flexible or Quitting

If your boss ignores, bullies or otherwise abuses you, it’s good to:

a) Mutter under your breath, exchange gripes with co-workers and, in general, develop an attitude.

b) Take the problems in stride at work, and then go home and scream at your family.

c) Tell the boss’ wife what really happened at the last office party.

d) Find a tactful way to suggest to your boss how your working relationship could be improved.

Congratulations if you picked (d). Although it’s a simple idea, management consultants say most people with difficult bosses neglect to take a straightforward, constructive approach to improve matters. “Doing nothing is by far the most common employee strategy,” says Mardy Grothe, a Boston psychologist.

Doing nothing, that is, besides suffering, bellyaching and perhaps trying to make the boss look bad. “They hold symposiums at the Pizza Hut about what a lousy guy their boss is,” says Patricia King, a New York management training consultant and author of “Never Work for a Jerk.”

Fortunately, experts say, there usually are much more effective techniques for dealing with a bad boss. In fact, a growing legion of consultants are lecturing and writing about the topic, often at the request of companies that want their personnel to work together more efficiently.

Employees first ought to size up how bad their situation is. At their worst, bad bosses can degrade you, violate your civil rights and encourage illegal or unethical activities. “If you’re working for a demeaning bastard who’s out to destroy people, then I think you should quit today,” said Christopher J. Hegarty, an executive training consultant and author of “How to Manage Your Boss.”

“Unemployment,” he added, “is a more intelligent risk than working under someone who is truly demeaning.”

Far more common are bosses whose bad habits can be brought under control with some savvy coaxing from a subordinate, a process known among personnel specialists as upward management, upward influence or managing your boss. But before trying that, figure out whether your boss really is the problem.

In your boss’ eyes, you could be the problem. Be sure to look at things from your supervisor’s perspective and take into account the standards his superiors are using to judge him. “The fact you’re unhappy may not mean that much” to your boss’ boss, said Jerald Jellison, a social psychologist who teaches at the University of Southern California. “Maybe,” he added, “the reason you liked the old boss so much was that he allowed you to get away with murder.”

If that’s the case, you probably need to heed your boss’ criticism--or get out.

Part of the trick to getting along with any supervisor is being flexible. If the boss is harried at the beginning of the day, pick another time to raise an issue. If the boss would rather read a memo than talk things over, try that approach even if it isn’t your style.

Tact goes a long way, too, in dealing with bosses or, for that matter, employees or anyone else. Even though it’s essential to speak up about a problem, you get nowhere when you put people on the defensive by challenging their authority or making a question sound like a personal attack.

Consultants suggest talking about how things might be done differently in the future: When you question a past action, it might sound too much like an accusation. Rather than, say, complain about being excluded from a meeting, ask about being included at the next one.

Also, find time to compliment your boss (or employee). It doesn’t sound obsequious, consultants say, to praise a superior if it’s for a specific action that deserves a nice word.

If tact doesn’t work, you may have to play hardball and go over the boss’ head. But be aware of the risks--among them the possibility that your boss is close to his supervisor. “You have to be willing to lose,” said Gerda Steele, executive director of the Pasadena Commission on the Status of Women.

To get what you want, it’s a big help if you are a top performer and have taken your complaint through the proper channels. Steele said those factors helped her win transfers away from bosses she didn’t like twice since going to work for Pasadena nearly six years ago.

“I didn’t come in on shaky ground,” she said. “I came in on a strong foundation.”

Whatever approach you take, don’t lose your cool or grumble in public. That likely will get you branded as a troublemaker, reducing your chances of influencing higher-ups to zilch.

“Would you want someone working for you who is quick to blab and complain?” Jellison asked.

Here are some types of bad bosses frequently cited by consultants, along with suggestions on what to do:

Nice-guy bosses. When disputes among employees arise, nice-guy bosses are reluctant to act and afraid to criticize. “The thought of sitting down with an employee and discussing a touchy subject makes them nervous,” says Grothe, co-author of “Problem Bosses: Who They Are and How to Deal With Them.”

Nice-guy bosses, considered by Grothe to be the most common type of bad boss, let down subordinates who count on their supervisors to crack down on lazy or incompetent colleagues. And they frustrate workers who want honest appraisals and constructive criticism.

When trying to draw a comment from a nice-guy boss, listen carefully and probe for more details, Grothe says. If that fails, he recommends the “sting and listen” approach: If the boss doesn’t offer any criticism, Grothe suggests you say: “I’m surprised, because I can think of a bunch of ways you could improve as a boss.”

Judith Segal, a Westwood management consultant, suggests a more delicate approach. She explains that these bosses (she calls them “feelers”) are very concerned with interpersonal relations. Consequently, she says, appeal to their concern for other people’s feelings by indicating that Joe’s 90-minute coffee breaks are a source of frustration to you and perhaps some of your co-workers.

Overreactors. The perfect example is Mr. Dithers, who barks at Dagwood in the “Blondie” cartoon. Overreactors, known for their volcanic tempers, often are people who simply can’t handle their anxieties.

They also frequently are the owners of small, privately held businesses. “Once you become the top person,” Grothe explains, “there’s a little bit of a feeling that you can do anything you want.”

Sometimes, Grothe says, overreactors aren’t aware of how their outbursts demoralize employees. If they appear to be basically reasonable, fair-minded people (despite their constant screaming), they might benefit from being told that their behavior is hurtful.

But, Grothe says, if an overreactor has a vindictive streak, an employee’s smartest move might be to get a transfer or a new job.

Pushers. These bosses are more concerned with results than anything else, and they like to act decisively and take responsibility. The trouble is, they have a tendency to trample other people and make big demands without fully explaining what they want.

Segal says when dealing with pushers--or almost any boss, for that matter--get them to spell out what they want. “It lets them know you’re interested in doing what they want,” Segal says. Tell them, she says: “I want to make sure I know exactly what you want me to do.”

Further, she advises, indicate how much time it will take and what the job entails. That also will help avoid misunderstandings.

Credit takers. Remember Dabney Coleman in the movie “Nine to Five”? Credit takers tend to need lots of ego stroking and hog the credit for successful projects.

To get your share of the recognition, make it a point in the early going to have your name appear on the project. Tell the boss: “It would really make me proud for people to know I’m part of your team,” Segal advised.

And what if you work for a slave-driving, credit-taking, overreacting nice guy? Or if none of these scenarios apply perfectly to your situation? Don’t consider it a good excuse to do nothing. “We see tons of examples of people who are miserable working for turkeys,” Grothe explains. “They pay a great cost in self-respect and feelings of self-esteem.”