Heard It Here First

April 9: Hello, I’m the Church Lady and welcome to “Sports Chat.” So, Mike Penner, we think our lovely New York Yankees are the team to beat in the East this season . . . well, isn’t that special.

Isn’t something being overlooked here, Mr. Penner? Hmmm? Something very important, I think . . . what could it be? Perhaps a little item called . . . pitching ?

Michael, you seem like such a nice young man, but like all Yankee fans it seems your mind has been clouded by the presence of an evil being . . . a demon, a beast, enemy to all things baseball, the guardian of the gates of Hell himself. Perhaps you’ve heard of him, a little guy called . . . Steinbrenner ?

Trust in the Church Lady, the Yanks will hit a lot of home runs and make some lovely little headlines. But even if Satan doesn’t trade Winfield for Freddy (the Human Disabled List) Lynn, with the tired arms in their current rotation, the New Yorkers haven’t got a prayer.

DANNY SMITH

Los Angeles