Movie Reviews : Boring ‘Twice Dead’ Deserves One Hasty Entombment

Horror fans will likely be more than twice bored during “Twice Dead” (citywide), a half-witted thriller with double the yawns on a fraction of the usual feature budget. Video stores, where it’s sure to quickly find its proper entombment, will be lucky if it’s twice rented.

And, yes, it does seem twice as long as it is, though there’s promise in its premise: The haunted house where the action takes place is one of those dilapidated mansions in suburban Hollywood that have survived amid encroachment from gangs, graffiti and ugly apartment complexes. Into such a fixer-upper moves a naive nuclear family from Colorado that’s just inherited the place.

The new transplants scarcely have time to worry about the homicidal ghost of an early-’30s actor residing up in the attic, of course, when there are even more homicidal street punks with early-’80s New Wave haircuts out on the front walk. Shivers!

After the upstairs spook attempts to strangle the cheerful son, and the downstairs punks make repeated attempts to rape the nubile daughter, among other close calls, most sensible families would opt for an emergency alternative dwelling--a motel, a cardboard shanty on Skid Row, anything. Not these folks, who resolve to stick it out until the inevitable confrontation between ghost and gang leads to a happy, bloody ending.

L.A. cynics may at least have some fun picking on the picture’s credibility lapses: Though it is explained that bankruptcy compels the family to live in such a run-down abode, Dad is somehow still able to afford to send his son and daughter to USC. And when Mom and Pop casually call the Hollywood police from out of town to ask them to check up on the kids, a patrol car with nothing better to do is dispatched immediately. Uh-huh.

One performance in “Twice Dead” (MPAA-rated R) stands out--that of Jonathan Chapin, who, as Crip, a nervous punk with a bent flair for old-time romance, is certifiably, memorably creepy. But the post-climactic suggestion that his character’s spirit might live on in a sequel is hardly welcome (if hardly likely). The promise of two “Twice Deads” is quadruply mortifying.