‘I’m not the greatest mother, but I do the best I can.’

Jim Nelson felt lonely and frustrated when, as a single parent, he began raising his two children four years ago. Recently divorced, he was untrained for the job ahead. His love for his children made the task easier than he expected, and it also gave him the ambition to strike out in a new direction. Nelson, 33, daughter Shannon, 8, and son Jimmy, 4, live in Newbury Park.

When I first met her, I hated her. I guess that was a clue. She liked me and she was trying to impress me. That’s what she said later. When she found out I didn’t like her, she tried to change, and one thing led to another. We got married six months to a year after we met.

Shannon was born within a year after we got married, and it just got worse and worse. Things were falling apart. I was hoping I’d give her an opportunity for a better life, and she would change as things got better. But things got worse. I’ve learned that when you marry somebody, you take ‘em as is.

We wound up getting divorced. I didn’t fight it. She took Shannon and Jimmy wound up in a foster home. When I found out Jimmy was in a foster home, I told them I wanted him, and they said, “You have to get a house with a kitchen at least.” I was living in a one-room place.

So I went into a share-house-type thing, I was working at the county in the kitchen making seven, eight dollars an hour. I couldn’t afford much. I finally got Jimmy.

Then about six months after I got Jimmy my ex-wife came to me and said, “I can’t handle it. You’re going to have to take Shannon.” Shannon was bounced back from a foster home to her house, back and forth.

Before I got the kids, I was scared to death because I didn’t think I could do it. I told the judge, “Honestly, I don’t know if I can do this, and if I can’t do it, your honor, I’ll just have to give them up.” And he said, “OK, we’ll give it a trial.”

I’ve had them ever since, about four years. Overall it’s been easy, and I’ve loved it. But there have been hard times. I got Jimmy right after he started walking so he was still in diapers. That’s one thing that I can’t stand on a kid is diapers.

The first week that I got Shannon, she looked at me and said, “I hate you, “ and spit in my face. I knew where she was coming from, and I understood she was saying, “Are you going to be there for me?” I told her, “I don’t care if you like it or not. You’re going to be here for a long time.” I think that’s what she wanted to hear. She just wanted somebody she loved to be there for her. Now, every day, I tell her I love her, and she tells me the same. Her life just turned 180 degrees.

I’m not the greatest mother, but I do the best I can. The kids understand, and they accept it. They don’t need much. I could live in a shack, and they wouldn’t care. As long as I told them I loved them, that’s all that they need.

I never realized it until after I had them what kids would mean to me. They’ve been a real blessing. They’ve changed my goals, my ambitions, just everything.

I went to the welfare people, and I asked them, “If I quit my job, would you help me go through school?” And they said “Yeah.” So I have the same benefits as a single mother. I’ll always be grateful to Ventura County for rebuilding my life. They’ve helped a lot.

I went to Ventura College, and my counselor put me through a couple batteries of aptitude tests. I told him all I want is a better life because I’ve got two kids now. He says, “Why don’t you go over to Moorpark and talk to the head of the laser optics program?” So I wound up going to Moorpark.

I feel like this is my last chance. I’m probably not the world’s best student, but I’ll get my AA degree next year, then I will be a laser technician. And my life’s going to turn around. I want to give my kids the best I can, I’ll be able to give them things and a good place for shelter.

I’m just a very lucky person that I got the kids. I’d probably be pumping gas instead of going after something that was going to improve my life. It’s going to be quite a different life and it’s going to be for the better.